A Tribute to Penny Simkin
One of my most impactful mentors, Penny Simkin, left this realm on 4/11/24.
Penny is known as the mother of the modern doula movement.
She has 
star quality in the birth world.
But to know her up close and in person — to learn how to teach alongside her — was a lesson in humility, grace, and compassion.
Here's Penny
Penny taught me these things:
- You never know what's going on inside another person, but they have a darn reason for doing whatever it is they're doing.
- Ask for consent before touching, speaking on someone's behalf, and even for something as seemingly innocent as offering information.
- Listen.
- Sit on your hands and hold your tongue.
- Your job isn't to fix anything; it's to just be there.
When I was a newbie childbirth educator, one of the students in my class had a stillbirth. Penny heard about it and reached out to me to see if I needed support. She didn't even know me then, she'd just heard about the new childbirth educator in town.
Years later, after we were colleagues, I'd been called on the carpet at a birth for advocating for my client (the day after my best friend's baby had died so I was an emotional wreck), I reached out to Penny for guidance. She was so sweet. "Oh my," she said, in characteristic Penny understatement, "this is not good. Here's what you could try next time."
It was always "here's what you could try," never "what you SHOULD do."
Because if Penny believed in anything, it was empowering other people by listening, witnessing, being present, and reflecting what she heard. Not telling them what to do.
"Here's what you could try..."
Penny's Legacy
When I think of the words "leave a legacy," Penny is my model. A few years ago, when I wrote what I'd like my legacy to be, Penny was who I had in mind.
Penny leaves a legacy of...
- Establishing the word 'doula' in the American lexicon
- Ushering in thousands of doulas who are still serving families around the world
- Educating, empowering, and entertaining thousands (like over 15,000!) of expecting and new families
- Inspiring a world of birth professionals
- Bridging the divide between hospital birth and natural birth practices (she was magical at that)
- Teaching positions and movements to support normal birth from her expertise as a physical therapist
- Introducing birthing tubs, squat bars, and birth balls into hospitals
- Illuminating the impact of trauma on birthing people
- Being open to change and inclusivity instead of being stuck in outdated ways
For all the things she accomplished, I've never met a person more humble than Penny Simkin.
How Penny Furthered My Career
Penny and I had our differences... she was calm and certain. I was a hothead and outspoken. But our mutual respect was undeniable.
Penny taught me how to create a curriculum, working elbow to elbow at her dining room table. That simple tool catapulted my career, helping me create and offer courses and continuing education credits for thousands of doulas.
We were the two Senior Instructors at the Simkin Center for Allied Birth Vocations at Bastyr University. We debated the nice-to-know, good-to-know, and must-know topics for the doula training curriculum.
We sat in countless planning meetings, taught birth doula trainings side by side, and attended birth conferences around the country. Penny and I were invited to Astoria, OR, for a weekend of events and shared an airbnb together. I delighted my group of doula students with a guest appearance from Penny. That evening, I cooked dinner for her husband, Peter, while Penny spoke at the local hospital.
I was fascinated by the energy, dedication, and determination of this woman. Even though she is known for her humility, her steadfast devotion to promoting normal birth and supporting birthing people never wavered. She always found a way to speak her mind with compassion and conviction.
Penny's Most Profound Impact
The most profound thing Penny taught me (and many others) was to ask this simple question:
How will she/he/they remember this?
Before taking any action at a client’s birth, I would ask myself this question.
Will my action of “helping them” actually leave them feeling less empowered or weak?
Do I know for certain this is what they want in this moment or am I expressing what I want?
Am I doing something because I think it makes me look good?
What can I do to make my client’s memory of this moment better?
Trust me: the answer stopped me in my tracks many times.
Penny went so far as to print this question on t-shirts. On the back of the t-shirt so anyone else in the room (doctor, nurse, midwife, partner, relatives, staff) might also stop and ask themselves this powerful question.
I invite you to adopt this quesetion into your life when you are working with anyone in any setting, as I have.
Penny also helped thousands — if not millions — of birthing people without them even knowing. If you have ever used a birthing tub, squat bar, or birthing ball in labor, you have Penny to thank for introducing those into American hospitals. They are now standard equipment in most labor rooms.
Sharing A Loss
They say a person only truly dies when the last person who has a memory of them passes on.
I know many of the thousands of families Penny taught have told their kids about their childbirth educator, Penny Simkin.
I'm going to make sure my children and grandchildren know who Penny Simkin was and what she meant to me so she'll live on for a long long time after her passing.
I know Penny’s family is deeply grieving their mother/grandmother/sister. For the rest of us, we are missing an icon, a mentor, a huge influence in our lives.
I think of the pain and sadness I’ve gone through since my mom passed away a few months ago. I often felt alone in my grief. But I also didn’t have to “share” my mom with the world, or share my loss alongside tens of thousands of other people. I think that must be an odd feeling.
I hope Penny’s family is buoyed by the outpouring of love Penny has created around the world.
Penny At Her Best
You'd think — with all the conferences, fund-raisers, trainings, planning sessions, and meetings we attended together — I'd have a great picture of the two of us. I know there were many pictures of us taken together, I just don't have them : (
But here is one I took of Penny at her best...listening (to her dear friend, Phyllis Klaus:
Rest in Power, Penny! You deserve it.
I am grateful for your mentorship. I am grateful for our friendship. I love you and I will miss you.
Thank you!
Penny was the one person who understood why I grieved having to have a c-section. As my birth coach, she had worked with Darryl and me to cultivate an experience that reflected our deeply held values and sense of celebration to be joining the global community of birthing people. I was so sad and Penny understood why and said the perfect words. I will never forget her.
Thanks for this tribute Carrie (and for attending Sofia’s birth early in your birth-support journey).
A