So You Want to Be a Doula?
So You Want to Be a Doula?
Twenty years ago, few people knew what the word ‘doula’ meant.
Now, most people know what a doula is
But there are so many kinds of doulas...birth, postpartum, death or end of life, full spectrum, even divorce or surgery doulas.
What is the difference between all these types of doulas?
And which is the one for you?
Are all doulas the same?
I’m going to focus on birth and postpartum doulas in this blog, but what you learn here can be applied to all.
You may question the truth of that
so let me share a little story...
I’d been a birth doula for 10 years and was attending a death doula training.
Those are two experiences at very opposite ends of the spectrum, right?
In the first hour, I shouted out, “That’s what we do in labor!”
By noon, I had shared, “That’s just like at birth!” “That’s just like being a birth doula!”
By the end of the day, I had repeated those phrases so many times I knew I was annoying everyone and would need to shut up.
But in my head for the next 3 days, that was my refrain: “It’s just like being a birth doula!”
The Core Essence of Being a Doula
The core essence of being a doula is to be of service to people in a significant — often emotionally charged and physically challenging — experience.
Think back to a challenging experience you had that didn’t end up so well. That’s where a lot of doulas start: wanting to help others prevent what they went through.
Imagine what that experience might have been like if you had a doula. At every turn where you felt unsure, unknowing, afraid, or pressured, someone would have been there to help you get what you needed. They couldn’t have turned back the hands of time or done anything super-human, but you would have had someone on your team. You wouldn't have been alone.
But everyone’s experience is different. How do you learn skills that can apply to everyone?
That's Not Your Job
When I train doulas, they often ask, “But isn’t my job to prevent people from making mistakes, from making the same mistakes I made? I want to save them from having a bad experience or outcome.”
And my response is always, “Your job is not to protect people from walking their own path. It’s their journey. Who are you to dictate what that journey looks like? Your job is simply to support and witness them along the way.”
Doulas don’t tell people what to do — or even how to do it — they help them find their own way.
So, how do doulas do that?
The Core Principles of Being a Doula
Doulas recognize that birth, postpartum, [fill in the blank], are rites of passage that change a person emotionally, physically, and spiritually after they emerge from the experience.
Doulas recognize the inherent autonomy and respect that all people deserve when going through a challenging experience.
Doulas acknowledge that existing systems that people must engage in do not serve all the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of people going through the experience.
Doulas understand the intersection of racial and social oppression within systems and how those factors impact experiences and outcomes for marginalized people.
Doulas believe that people are innately capable of navigating challenging situations and know that compassion, preparation, support, and being seen make challenges more doable.
Doulas see themselves as a bridge or stop-gap measure to provide holistic support to their clients on their individual journey, while making efforts to improve the systems that are not meeting people’s needs.
Doulas understand significant experiences are a transformative journey that can have lifelong impacts and knowing how to guide a person through that transformation and the integration period afterward.
Wow, That's a Lot
When you look at the doula role from that perspective, you may be thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot. That’s heavy.”
Yes, it is. And that’s what makes doulas so necessary in the world today. I often say:
“The doula role is the most profound and nuanced profession you’ve never heard of.”
The Exquisitely Unique Skills of the Doula
Doulas are able to uphold those core principles with a unique set of skills that, when combined together, form the exquisitely nuanced role of the doula. Here they are:
- Emptying their cup of their own ideas of how the experience should go
- Developing communication skills, especially how to ask open-ended questions, listen deeply, and observe with curiosity
- Getting familiar with their client, what’s important to them, and their specific desires and concerns
- Using interpersonal skills to support the relationships between your client, their chosen support people, the professional staff, and the doula
- Translating their client’s past experiences into what could be helpful for the new journey ahead (for example, taking what they learned from being in grad school to how to prepare for birth)
- Being emotionally and physically open and present for their clients
- Accessing intuitive skills, specifically how to “read” a room, notice shifting energy, and watch what is unfolding around them
- Knowing about the birth process*
- Knowing about the perinatal care system*
- Knowing of comfort measures and strategies for coping with labor*
- Knowing about medical conditions of labor and birth, and options for addressing them*
- Keeping their personal stories and opinions to themselves
- Sharing allegorical stories as a means to educate and offer options
- Advocating for people in a way that doesn’t take away their power
- Asking for consent before offering ideas or an intervention
- Networking and accessing resources for information, family support, and community services
- Being trauma-informed
- Being diplomatic while changing the world
*These skills will vary based on the field you work in; the rest of the skills say the same
Pursuing Doula Training
As you can see, the above list doesn’t include much about double-hip squeezes, nursing positions, or baby-wearing techniques, All that stuff is the cherry on top after you provide the skills above..
I am 100% certain that if you are interested in birth, you’re already learning about the stages of labor and labor support techniques. You’re watching a copious number of birth videos on YouTube or have a library of birth-related podcasts or are reading every birth book you can get your hands on.
And if postpartum is your jam, you’re learning about postpartum depression, perineal healing, and how babies sleep.
You’ll learn more (and more evidence-based) information in your formal doula training, but what really makes you a doula are the core principles above.
Pursuing Doula Training
So now we can look at the bigger picture of being a doula for any other challenging experience: miscarriage, INFERTILITY, abortion, ADOPTION, death, marriage or wedding planning, DIVORCE, surgery, cancer care, psychedelic journeys, the list goes on and on.
With those core principles and specific skills, you can be a doula for anything!
Do I Have to Be an Expert?
I’m often asked if you have to be an expert in the field you practice in. No.
You just need all those magic doula skills and to learn the specific ‘knowing’ skills asterisked above for your chosen field.
And you don’t need to know it all...just a little bit more than your client about the systems they’ll interact with, the emotional process most people experience, the physical processes they can expect, and the spiritual impact this experience may have. If you’ve already gone through the experience yourself, you’re probably there.
Being a doula is one of the most rewarding jobs in the world, but it’s more than a job… it’s an identity, a calling, an act of service. It’s also an entirely unique role because so few people really know what is a doula, much less what they do.
Are you thinking about becoming a birth doula? I have the most affordable, comprehensive, and accessible online birth doula training around. For only $197 you can learn to be a birth doula starting today.
