Carrie Kenner: Doula Trainer. Writing Coach. Sacred Feminine Guide.

Teaching Hate is Child Abuse

Carrie Kenner — Mon, 29 Jul 2024 19:54:18 +0000

How Children Learn to Hate

Long before learning their ABCs, 1+1=2, and “Share your toys,” children learn how to be a human from the people around them. If we're not careful — or worse, if it's intentional — children also learn to hate. So let's call teaching hate what it is: child abuse.

A couple of months ago, I was writing a lot about how children learn — how we all learned as children to be in the world. (See my blog posts How We Learn and Families: The Training Ground for Small Humans.)

We learn from our parents or our primary caregivers. We watch them closely, looking at their behaviors and words to figure out how to behave and what is right or correct.

We learn things like what foods are "normal," how people interact, and what is safe or not safe to do.

We absorb all these things primarily by watching, and then over time, we are told things explicitly. We also learn implicitly by watching others around us. It’s a complex, layered process of learning, happening mainly in the first couple of years of life.

Some kids are fortunate to see and experience love and caring and learn really positive things, while others see and experience horrendous things and learn hardness and fear. Either way, it shapes their worldview.

It’s Unfair When Kids Have No Control

Whether good or bad, these experiences imprint on kids how to be in the world, and they don’t have control over it.

First of all, they don't have control over their environment and can’t choose what they see or experience.

They also don't have control over how to think about things because they don't have rational thinking ability yet.

They can't say, "Wait, I saw one thing and that disproves this other thing I saw."

That kind of thinking isn't developed in the brain yet until they are teens. (And then it’s still pretty rudimentary!)

Children also are also at a huge disadvantage to making comparisons because they are unable to read nuance. While they are very watchful and see nuance, they don’t know how to interpret it.

So it’s important to understand that biologically and developmentally, children simply can’t process things the way adults do.

And even if they could make these discernments between what they are told and what they observe themselves, children are entirely dependent on others for care and are hard-wired to do whatever it takes to fit in, to not be ostracized, to belong.

Teaching Hate: The Unseen Child Abuse

Many forms of child abuse are obvious and unquestioned: Sexual assault, physical violence, emotional abuse where children are told they are stupid, bad, or worthless.

Each of these violates the physical space, holistic development, and innocence of children.

But there is another realm that is violated and rarely talked about: the pure hearts of children.

Children come into the world pure. I've seen hundreds of babies come into the world, and there isn't a lick of hatred in their bodies. They may not like being cold, being outside the womb, or being poked and prodded, but they don’t hate anything.

Babies react to discomfort purely from survival instincts, not from judgment or hate.

Their nervous system tells them if something hurts and they cry in response.

If they're feeling cold, their hard wiring says, "Being cold is not good for survival,” so...cry.

When they need energy, their belly cramps and they want to eat.

Their crying make it look like they’re pissed off and angry, but there's no judgment involved.

It’s all just survival wiring.

But when they learn that broccoli is yucky and they haven't even tasted broccoli, they are being conditioned — brainwashed — by somebody around them.

The Difference Between Broccoli and Spiders

As they grow, children learn many behaviors and ideas. Learning to dislike broccoli is unfortunate, but not harmful. However, when they are taught to dislike or hate other people, animals, or even insects, it becomes deeply problematic.

Most people don’t hate spiders or bees because of personal experience; fear of insects is often passed down as a behavior or belief. But if everyone goes around killing every insect they see in ignorance (versus personal experience or knowledge), these critters who are essential to our planet’s survival get annihilated. Not good!

But let’s get back to my focus on hating people.

When kids are taught to dislike, judge, or hate other people, cultures, countries, or religions, they have no defense against such horrid thinking.

Any type of hatred or judgment against others — but especially racism because it’s so easy to target someone visually this way — is child abuse because it gets planted in the brain of a vulnerable child.

They aren’t equipped to question what they are being told.

They learn a type of thinking, it becomes part of their thought and behavior patterns, and they go out into the world and replicate that ideology and attitude.

Hatred gets normalized and we see it all around us.

The Difference Between Spiders and Mexico

Many people think it is perfectly fine to dislike people from another country. What??? Why would I hate someone who is otherwise just like me except for the continent they were born on (which, by the way, they had absolutely no choice in)? Should they grow up to hate their country because it’s not my country? Or should they grow up to hate me because of my great misfortune to be born in a country other than theirs?

Try this exercise to see how hate works in our hearts:

Take a few deep breaths and imagine this scenario: Someone see you. Your skin color is different from them. You speak a different language from them. You eat something different for breakfast than they do. And they hate you for it.

Imagine what that hatred must feel like in their heart. Put yourself in their body for a moment but feel their feelings in your body.

How does their hatred feel in your heart when imagining it? Yucky, huh? Tight, painful, hard.

Now, feel in your body what it feels like to be hated (don’t think about it or how you’d respond to them, just FEEL what it’s like to be hated). Can you feel what their judgment does to your body? Do you feel safe? Is your brain affected? How is your heart?

Nobody wins when hate is involved. Not the hater or the hated.

Yet most people are taught that nationalism is just fine.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Children repeat what they hear. It's how they learn to talk and — remember they have no filters —while this can sometimes be entertaining, it also shows how they can perpetuate harmful ideas without understanding them.

You know that expression, "Kids say the darndest things?"

Well, they do. They repeat what they hear, often out of context or with a mispronounced word that makes it adorable.

Sometimes what they’re repeating is not appropriate for their age but they don’t know that.

And sometimes, what they’re repeating should have never been said in the first place.

I was parking at the local Costco a few months ago and saw a truck parked near the front of the store. Across the back of the truck was a banner that said “Fuck Biden.”

I imagined the freshly-minted 6-year-old reader sounding it out proudly for grandma.

Or the confusion it instilled in an 8-year-old who heard enough news to wonder what on earth the President had done to cause such hatred.

Maybe a kid saw the driver of the truck and they looked just like their favorite uncle. “Hmmm, yeah, maybe I should think like him, too,” without having any more understanding of the statement.

But mostly I wondered who the fuck thought it was okay to put that on their truck and drive around in public with it, innocent children be damned? Child abuse.

(And in case you're wondering: If I saw a truck that said 'Fuck Trump" I'd think the same thing.)

Why Even Teens Lack Discernment

It’s true that much of human survival is based on detecting differences. It’s how our brain categorizes things to decide if they are safe, dangerous, or unknown based on past experience.

Our bodies are hard-wired to notice differences and pay attention to them.

But hating differences is something our minds conjured up.

Children have the ability to see inconsistencies, but they will often keep it to themselves. Or the spunky kid will say, "Hey wait, I saw one person that looks like someone you told me to hate, and they were really nice, but you told me they're all mean.”

When kids get to the age where they can safely individuate from their parents, they still choose not to honor anything that goes against the values they’ve been taught. If they are well-conditioned and fearful, they are unlikely to say, "Wait a second, I'm seeing some flaws in your teaching."

Even teenagers are afraid to stand out or confront a parent because their survival is still heavily dependent on that parent and the desire to belong. Peer pressure at its worst.

Breaking the Cycle

Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can personally do to change all the hatred in the world. But I do know that if each individual becomes aware of this kind of abuse, and each family vows to end hate violence, it can be stopped.

If you work with families and children, consider how you can raise adults’ awareness of what they’re saying about others. Remind them that their children take their words as facts, and poisoning their minds with hatred is unfair and child abuse.

Of course, we first need to get hatred out of our hearts, language, and minds. We all have it because we’ve all learned it in our culture of othering. It will take some intentional practice to instead accept and be kind to people who are different from us (which is everyone).

Be Mindful of Your Words

Don Miguel Ruiz, a Toltec teacher, said, "Be impeccable with your word" in his book The Four Agreements. That means to carefully curate what you speak to not cause harm to yourself or others. I attempt to do it everyday. I fail at it everyday. But my failed version is better than if I didn’t try at all.

We can all be more mindful of the things we say about others. And we can make sure our kids understand, as early as possible, that people say things that aren’t necessarily true.

When it comes to people having different opinions from yours, it’s inevitable. My stance is that, as long as no one is being harmed by someone’s opinion (i.e. they don’t force it on others or instill it in defenseless children), they are entitled to it. However, when someone wants their ideas or opinions to be institutionalized — made the only legal or available option — or used to make people feel unsafe or less valued than others, then it becomes harmful.

Then they are peddling oppression, which is cruel and dismissive of other people’s dignity and rights. Basically, hate.

The Importance of Teaching Truth

We see the spread of hate so much in the world today with grown people spewing verbal attacks on people they don’t agree with, or book bans that prevent kids from learning all the history so they can see how hate played out in the past.

What kind of example does this set for children to learn about other people’s ways of being instead of attacking them for it?

Why would anyone try to prevent learning about history when we know that if we don’t understand our history, we’re doomed to repeat it?

Attacks and bans come from the same place: fear and moral weakness masquerading as power.

So does propagating hate.

If we poison children’s bodies with toxins, that is child abuse.

If we're poisoning their minds with hate, that is child abuse as well.

So let's do better. I hope you join me in that.

***

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Human and Business Systems: The Beauty and Brutality

Carrie Kenner — Tue, 09 Jul 2024 20:21:14 +0000

I love human and business systems.

I'm not super proud of this fact but it's my reality.

Systems are a collection of activities, procedures, and ways of doing things repeatedly that form a pattern that is predictable and makes things easier.

At least for some people.

This leads to why I'm not proud of the fact that I love systems.

While systems can be helpful, they are also what create and maintain colonization, patriarchy, white supremacy, dominance, and oppression.

So today I'm talking about how to create compassionate human and business sytems.

But let’s back up to the beauty of human and business systems first...

I — like all human beings — like familiarity and predictability.

That’s because humans — even though we think we're the top dogs in the universe— are actually quite vulnerable.

We're vulnerable to threats to our wellbeing and our physical bodies, as well as our egos and our future (what we worry might happen to us).

Worry creates anxiety and that activates our nervous system into a stress response.

Our brains don’t like stress (neither do our bodies).

What our brains love is knowing what to expect.

They love knowing that they've seen this process before so they can assume the same thing that happened last time is going to happen again.

That’s what systems do for us: provide predictability.

Systems also save us time. And I’m sure you've heard the adage time is money.

So humans tend to like systems for their familiarity, and time and money saving features. People in western cultures have been highly conditioned to rely on systems to be efficient, effective, and predictable.

You’re Already Loving Some Systems

If you have a few routines you do over and over, you’ve created a human system that probably makes your life easier or gets something done in a more efficient way.

If you have a set of tasks you do before you go to bed every night, that's a system.

If you have a certain thing that you eat for breakfast every morning, that's a system.

If there's a particular route that you take to work every day, that is a system.

If you create a monthly budget and set up all your bills on autopay, that is a financial system.

If you take your car to the Jiffy Wash every Friday and you have Joe clean it out every month, then you have a car care system.

Those things all help you maintain an order in your life. But that’s not why I like systems.

Systems Are a Gift to Your Nervous System

Let’s compare humans to animals for a moment...

Humans have a sense of time, ego (control), and safety. When those senses are threatened, our brains get freaked out because our hard-wired stress response gets overridden by our emotional and thought responses, creating havoc.

Animals, on the other hand, only deal with safety. When their safety is threatened, they are well-equipped to respond to danger (they are much stronger and faster than humans, and they don’t think about it, they just react). And the next most important part?

Animals know how to discharge stress after a dangerous incident.

Humans? We store the aftermath in our bodies, causing further distress.

So the more we can reduce stress, the better our nervous systems can function. That’s why systems are helpful.

Animals don't have systems. They are not time or ego-oriented, making them extremely inefficient.

Animals do one thing at a time. They do that one thing over and over. And while it’s a pattern (familiar), it’s also redundant.

Have you ever watched a cat walk back and forth, back and forth along the windowsill, or a dog turn three times before lying down? Every time? Ugh, so inefficient!

Or have you ever watched an animal try to gather a bunch of their young ones? They pick up one and take it over there, and then the other ones disperse, and then they catch another one to take over to the first, but it’s already joined the others. They go back and forth at this until they finally get all the kiddos corralled.

Kids love animal behavior because kids aren’t programmed to be efficient yet. They do the same repetitive, inefficient stuff.

But adults watch animals and just shake their heads.

So, while animals are very inefficient, they do pay attention to patterns.

They walk the same trail every day because it’s familiar, which makes it easier to identify anything different that could be of danger. That will set off their alarm system.

Most humans are taught to turn off their alarm systems and instead rely on calculated predictability.

Business Systems

In business, there are a number of different systems.

There's an operating system, which is a set of policies and procedures that guide how a business is run.

An operating system is powerful because it’s both effective and efficient, but also because it can be given to anybody to implement.

If I hire somebody new, I can show them the operating system and they can follow the procedures and do their job.

We also have marketing systems, which are methods we use over and over again to reach people we want to become our clients or buy more widgets.

Businesses have financial systems that track income and expenses, report profits, calculate taxes, and pay employees.

Then there are client management systems. These are the set of actions that drive a client through the process of working with you, from how they become a client to providing information, scheduling visits, concluding service, and gathering feedback.

Those are all examples of systems that you might see in a business you visit or set up for your own company.

Bigger Systems

We’ve looked at human and business systems. But there are bigger systems that are statewide, national, or worldwide. Systems like the World Bank — a financial system that guides how money is loaned around the world and how different countries interact with each other to improve the standard of living globally.

There are highway systems that consist of how roads are built, constructed, and used — from freeways to highways, country roads to city streets, arterials to neighborhood streets. Traffic rules guide people on how to use those roads safely.

Then we have things like the healthcare system — the network of hospitals, clinics, ancillary services, and insurance companies. In this system, all these different entities work together to deliver healthcare to people.

There are also systems within our own bodies. The cardiovascular system — a huge system of all the blood vessels, heart and lungs — gets oxygenated blood to all parts of the body.

These are all big systems that are composed of multiple parts that are designed to make everything work well for everything that's involved.

The Center of a System

I believe that systems can be incredibly helpful as long as people understand what they're designed to do, who they help, and how they can harm as well.

Within every system, something is considered the most important in that system.

The World Bank, for example, is a financial system centered around loaning money from one country to another. The beneficiaries of this system are poorer countries, but raising the standard of living globally is what is most important.

The cardiovascular system is centered around the heart. All the other parts of the body benefit but without the heart, everything will die.

The highway and road system is centered around safety. Yes, the roads get people from point A to point B. But the most important part is that they are alive on arrival.

When you're aware of what is centered in a system you can decide how you want to participate in it.

The Dark Side of Systems

You may have noticed systems that don’t actually benefit the people moving through them.

The U.S. healthcare system is centered around insurance companies. Ah, it should be people, shouldn’t it? But in the U.S., insurance companies are the gatekeepers to accessing and paying for care. All the other players — doctors, hospitals, patients — don’t want to be left holding the financial bag, so insurance remains centered.

The U.S. political system is centered around maintaining a binary party system. It is supposed to ensure that every person has a vote and representation based on those votes, but individual votes get subsumed in an electoral system that is designed to divvy up regions to maintain party control.

Many systems are explicitly designed to favor — or oppress — certain people. The judicial system, the penal system, and most financial (banking, taxing) systems are centered around maintaining wealth and power. They primarily benefit white people, and people with generational wealth or power.

Some systems seem to defy nature, logic, and morality. Everyone knows they aren’t effective or efficient. In healthcare, for example, both the people running the system and the people being moved through it are not happy.

Yet, they persist. Why?

Many human and business systems were created to serve the interests of the people who created them (but don’t work in them). The people in power. They want to keep it that way.

How to Change a Business System from the Outside

I used to work in healthcare administration as an efficiency expert.

My job was to examine systems and see if they were working well and how they could be improved. I had to consider how the system was enacted by employees and the impact on patients.

Oftentimes, the staff wanted to do something that was easier for them but made a worse experience for the patient. I might notice it would be more efficient and cost-saving for the company, but at what cost? If we had to handle multiple complaints, or lost customers the overall savings wasn’t worth it.

My intimacy with systems means I am the customer from hell : )

I ask myself if the people I encounter in a system are part of the problem or just pawns in the process. Then I ask them. If they know they are pawns, I ask them to stop playing a part in something oppressive and do better. If they aren’t, I let them know what it’s like for me.

I have gone into many systems as a customer and said, “This is inefficient for you and it's also miserable for me. What can we do to fix it?”

Sometimes my suggestion is met with interest. I’m encouraged to talk to a manager or file a complaint. My heart drops when the response is, “There’s nothing I can do about it. It’s always been this way.” I know that person’s soul has been sucked right out of them. They don’t even want a way out anymore.

Become a vocal customer especially if you’re paying for that system (which you are as a taxpayer in government systems or as a customer in a private business).

Human Systems Don’t Change Themselves

Human and business systems can be changed; I know that because I used to change systems all the time.

You can change a system from the inside. Are you participating in a system that harms people? If you work in a place that uses systems that benefit some people over others or aren’t designed with the customer in mind at all, here’s how you can make changes:

Start by being mindful about how you are participating in a system that may be harming others. Check in with yourself and your co-workers to see if others agree with you.
Ask where the problem in a system arose. Was the system designed that way intentionally (to increase profit, disregard some groups of people, or cover liability) or were the designers unaware of its impact?
Apologize to every customer for the problems the system is causing. Let them know you want to make changes and encourage them to file complaints.
Don’t do what you are told to do if it doesn’t make any sense. Yes, you could get fired. You could also get promoted. Who knows?
Remember that systems were created by people and they can be changed by people. Bring this up in staff meetings and ask for support to make changes.

I offer this information to raise your awareness of the human and business systems in your life.

You are part of a system. When one thing in a system changes, the entire system shifts. So when you make a change — which you can do! — you are creating systemic change. Go for it!

We can all create systems that work for us, and that work for everyone else in our communities so that we can have calm nervous systems. We can save time and money in our personal lives, and know what to expect to create more calm.

We have the power to influence positive change.

I hope this helps you live a more happy, fulfilled, and peaceful life.

***

If you’d like help creating new systems in your personal or business life — or want coaching in how to improve systems where you work — schedule a free call to see how I can support you.

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A No-Squirm Way to Meditate

Carrie Kenner — Tue, 02 Jul 2024 01:39:14 +0000

I’ve been meditating for 60 days straight.

It all began a few months ago when it started getting light earlier in the morning.

I noticed how beautiful my bedroom looked in the morning light and realized I hardly spent any time there except getting ready for bed, getting dressed in the morning, and sleeping in between.

I had a lovely altar at the foot of my bed, artwork on all the walls, and a view into a wooded buffer zone from the window. Why don’t I hang out here more often?

So I made a mental list of ways to spend more time in my room:

Read
Talk on the phone
Dance
Meditate

My Butt Hurts!

I’d tried meditating in the past, but if my butt hurt, I couldn’t focus on what my mind was doing. I thought if I wasn’t perfectly still I was doing it wrong. So I’d quit.

This time, I took a whole new approach, which is why I’ve been able to sustain it.

#1 I can move if I want. No sitting frozen in lotus position with my hands in a certain position. Instead, I rock, stretch, twist, shake. I respond to my body’s energy and not only can I sit for a much longer time, I learn about what my body is telling me as much as my mind.

#2 I drink a cup of coffee while I’m at it. Blasphemy! I love my morning cup of coffee so instead of making myself wait for it, I combine the two things, and guess what! I enjoy both more

#3 I’ve expanded my definition of ‘meditating.’ It includes breathwork, visualization, contemplation, mantras, non-focused awareness, moving energy, prayer, gratitude, journaling, scribing, movement, and following a thought down a rabbit hole. I love watching where my mind goes and following it without judgment. It’s led me to some important insights that would’ve been missed if I kept trying to “bring it back to your breath.”

My 3 Rules of Self-Care

My exploration of meditation has emphasized 3 principles of self-care that I believe in:

If it feels stressful, obligatory, burdensome — anything but joyful and nourishing — it’s not self-care.
Self-care should feel like kindness; like you’re doing something extra nice for yourself
Self-care is compassionate; if you’re piling something on top of an already crammed schedule, it isn’t worth it. What are some loving things you can do while doing something else (saying loving mantras as you cook or fold laundry is one of my favorites; dancing while driving is another)?

New Ways to Meditate

Here are some other ways you can immerse yourself in meditation:

Just sit in silence. Have the silence around you be the focus. Notice the small things you hear that you’d otherwise miss. The hum of the fridge, the neighbor’s voices, cars driving by, an airplane in the distance, the birds.
Speaking of birds...listen to them. First, you’ll likely hear more birds than you see with your eyes. Listen carefully, and you’ll start to pick up on their language. The call and response. The variations on a theme. Are different types of birds communicating with one another, or just with themselves? Get a bird song identification app to learn their names.
Sit in the sun, close your eyes, and turn your face to the sun. Feel it on your skin. Notice the sun through your eyelids. Do you see colors and shapes? Notice how the smell of your skin changes when heated. Notice how you respond to the heat. Imagine yourself being softened by the sun and your concerns melting away.
Dance or move your entire body freely. Let yourself sway and twirl, swing and dip. Try all of the movements you can think of — flowing, sharp, light, heavy, big, small. Don’t make it structured, like you’re trying to “do” a dance. Notice which parts of your body want to get involved, try something new, and let yourself get brought along for the ride.
Give gratitude. It’s best to say your gratitude out loud. Look around and name all the things you are grateful for. Then think of all the things in your life that you can’t see that you appreciate. Next, think of everyone and everything in your past you are grateful for. And finally, give gratitude for what hasn't happened yet, but will. You could do all this in one meditative sitting, or focus on each one separately.
Eat a piece of ripe fruit and experience every aspect of it, from taste and texture to sweetness and juiciness. Feel how it has soaked up the sun and is providing you with that beaming energy. Delight in its flavors and color and shape and nuances. Is it fuzzy, shiny, bright, dark, mottled, smooth? Think about how that ripe fruit came to be, from its start as a bud to a flower to a fruit...and how if left on its tree or plant or vine it would shrivel and turn to seed and start the cycle all over again. Marvel in this creation that you are now enjoying!
Stretch your body. Pick one part or do the whole thing. Feel your muscles, joints, and tendons resist and release. Notice what each part feels like as you stretch it and then let it slacken again. Nudge your stretch a little bit further and see how that feels. Breathe warmth into places that feel especially tight. Notice how you feel when you’re all done.
Stare at something as a focal point. Locate something you don’t have to strain to see and is slightly moving, like a candle or a tree or a body of water. Let everything around it and in the background fade away and notice the subtlety of movement, color changes, or shapes it takes on.
Write. You can free write (whatever comes into your mind without judgment or editing), write your thoughts on a topic or theme, answer a question you’ve posed to yourself, or write to yourself as if you were someone else.
I bet you can now think of a few more ways to meditate that will provide insights into your life.

Your Turn!

I hope that you have a self-care practice that you love and can’t wait to do every day. If not, I invite you to create a self-care practice that checks all the boxes:

⇒ It’s thoroughly enjoyed.
⇒ It feels like kindness
⇒ It’s compassionate

Coaching people on how to find more self-care, kindness, and mindfulness, in their lives is one of the things I do. If you need guidance getting a daily practice started, schedule a call and we will get you going.

I added my meditation practice to my self-care routine right after I offered my recent networking workshop. In the workshop, I talked about how networking is a form of self-care. When we network, we don’t rely only on ourselves to find clients, learn about our field, or get certain tasks done. To learn more about how to network for your business and bring more self-care into your work, check out:

The Art of Doula Networking: Cultivating Relationships, Referrals, and Backups

(It’s only $17.)

The Felt Sense of Doula Work

Carrie Kenner — Mon, 29 Apr 2024 07:00:58 +0000

I am a copywriter for a continuing education platform for psychotherapists. In my role, I meet many expert therapists who are offering courses and I learn about their work.

So far, I’ve learned about:

How I Learned About Felt Sense

A few weeks ago, I was interviewing one of the experts about a course she was creating and she kept mentioning ‘felt sense.’ She used that term in a few sentences and alongside other concepts included in her course.

But I wasn’t sure what she meant by felt sense. So I asked her to define it for me.

“Many people think ‘felt sense’ means something they feel physically, like on their skin using the sense of touch. But it’s not that at all. In the specific context I’m talking about right now, it’s the experience one feels when they are deeply listened to. They can feel in their body that they are being deeply listened to, which leads them to feel safer and therefore able to be more vulnerable and say more. There’s an actual energetic shift that happens inside of them. And that shift is felt by the person doing the listening. The listener knows the way they are listening caused that shift and opened the other person up so a shift happens inside of them as well.”

I was blown away. Not because this sounded outrageous.

Because I’d been doing it for over 20 years as a doula.

Only I didn’t have a word for it.

What is Felt Sense?

Felt sense was a term coined by Eugene Gendlin. He described it as:

A felt sense is not a mental experience but a physical one. Physical. A bodily awareness of a situation or person or event. An internal aura that encompasses everything you feel and know about the given subject at a given time—encompasses it and communicates it to you all at once rather than detail by detail.

A felt sense doesn’t come to you in the form of thoughts or words or other separate units, but as a single (though often puzzling and very complex) bodily feeling.

The vague, beyond-words experience of a felt sense is more than just a "gut feeling" or intuition. It’s not instantaneous. It forms, fuzzy at first then morphing into clarity. It is the sense of the whole of a situation.

Because doulas are typically working with clients in atypical situations — labor, postpartum, death, crises — we cannot count on luxuries like talking during someone’s labor. So doulas learn to rely on all our senses and a state of just being to feel into what is going on in any given moment.

I believe that is where our capacity for felt sense comes from.

How do doulas learn these skills without knowing what they’re doing?

This revelation about felt sense got me thinking about how I learned how to do that. Because when I did it, it felt like magic. How did all the other doulas I knew learn it? And how did I teach it to thousands of doulas without having a term or definition for it?

Here’s how I would teach it to birth doulas:

After a long session learning about and practicing communication skills for doulas — which included how to listen more deeply, how to use all of your body (not just your ears) to listen, how to ask open-ended questions, how to be an active listener, and how to ask for consent before providing information — I would tell my students:

“You will sit down with your clients for a prenatal visit and at the end of that 2-hour visit, you’ll be shocked by how deep and profound your connection will be in that short period of time. I don’t know how it happens or why, just trust me that it does. Sitting here now, you don’t believe me. But I’m telling you, if you use these skills, it will happen and I want you to remember my words today. You did that.”

Since that interview with the therapist, I’ve talked to a number of my past doula colleagues who are now therapists. I want to emphasize that all of these doulas were birth doulas, and I believe there’s a reason for that as well.

Turns out, becoming a therapist is a really common career path for birth doulas. I can think of 10 just off the top of my head and I bet there are hundreds more. I think that’s because many of the nuanced skills we use as doulas translate to the therapist role easily. In fact, I’d venture to say doulas are waaay ahead of the game when entering the field of psychotherapy.

What my doula-turned-therapist friends tell me is that doulas learn on the job many of the most important skills that therapists struggle to learn because the skills aren’t actually taught in grad school. Mainly theories and general modalities of therapy are taught.

Why Doulas Excel in Their Next Careers

In my career as a doula, I studied developmental psychology, attachment theory, pre-and perinatal psychology, the consciousness of babies in utero and newborns, embryology, endocrinology of pregnancy, birth, and lactation. None of those things are required to be a doula, those were just my particular areas of interest and I am a very curious person so I read books, attended conferences, and took classes on my areas of interest.

Other doulas dive into other areas: postpartum adjustment, neurodiversity, trauma survivors, special needs infants, sleep, infant feeding, nutrition, business and marketing for doulas...the list goes on and on.

But every doula finds an area of interest and explores it.

What this means for any doula entering a new career field is that they’ve got so much knowledge already — and now they’re learning from people who will use words to communicate it all — the rest comes much more easily.

So whether they go on to work with families in social service agencies, to affect policies and legislation in government, to provide more expansive birth support as a midwife or obstetrician, to treat individuals as a therapist, to heal the body as a massage or craniosacral therapist, chiropractor, or acupuncturist, or to become a better parent or human being, what they learned as a doula is perhaps the best training ground possible.

What else do doulas know to do without knowing what they’re doing?

Besides learning how to listen, we learn how to sit and just be. We learn the skill of patience, observing what is happening around us and not jumping to reactions.

We learn how to watch people for facial expressions, body language, posture, voice inflection, the eyes, what’s not being said as much as what is being said. And we’re not just watching our client. We’re watching their partner, kids, family members, friends, doctor, nurse, or midwife. Whoever is in the room. We call it ‘reading the energy in the room’ and it’s a crucial skill for facilitating communication in emotionally-charged situations or when conflicts are happening.

We dance in the realm of the unknown. We learn to be okay with not knowing when a baby will come, how long the labor will be, or what someone will be like during birth.

We step into our client’s space with the acknowledgement that we have little political power. We don’t want it. We want our clients to have all the external power. We have a mother-lode of internal power in our hearts.

We learn to not have answers. Sure, we have information — and we learn to ask our clients if they’d like to partake of our information, rather than shoving it down their throats — but in the realm of the unknown no one has the answer...not the doctor, not the client, not the doula.

The Art of ‘Holding Space’

Another thing we learn to do, which almost everything I’ve mentioned so far is a part of, is holding space. This is especially relevant to birth doulas.

Holding space can be defined many ways but it involves these components:

Creating an energetic container — the space — for an experience to occur
Being fully present and empathetic with healthy boundaries to protect yourself from absorbing energy that isn’t yours
Allowing whatever needs to happen in the container to happen — i.e. not trying to influence, coerce, or create a certain outcome
Creating space for vulnerability, scary or dark thoughts, ‘negative’ feelings or emotions without fear of judgment, rejection, punishment, shame, or retaliation
Witnessing and acknowledging the emotions, words, and actions that arise in the container
Being fully present and able to witness your own emotions and responses and acknowledging them as well
Being an energetic “guardian” of the space to help align others who enter the space and help them adapt to what is in the container
Being free of judgment, intentionally putting aside your own beliefs, opinions, agenda, and desires for a situation

Holding space, in essence, is a way of creating and holding the energy of a physical space and the people and experiences within it, and holding those things to the highest good.

You can watch my demonstration of holding space in my vlog post here.

How do doulas get so good at this stuff?

As I mentioned earlier, doulas often get good at doing by doing.

There aren’t many situations in life where you have to rely on instinct because all the other tools we typically use — communication, knowledge, behavioral norms — aren’t available.

But there’s something that precedes being thrown into a space where you have to just be.

And that is the thing that compels someone to be a doula in the first place.

It’s either a love of babies, birthing people, pregnancy, families, reproductive justice, empowerment, lactation, child development, or something related to the fascinating process of ushering people through emotionally challenging times in life.

No one thrives as a doula without something afire in their belly or heart. You just cannot take someone who is not interested in birth and convince them to hold space for hours beside a moaning person in a birth tub while listening to Enya.

So there’s an underlying affinity to these nuances — felt sense, sitting in the unknown, holding space, and being present — that gets refined in the process of becoming.

That is what doulas nurture in themselves and in their clients.

That is what I nurture in doulas.

Have you been sitting on the threshold of becoming a birth doula? My friend and colleague, Amty Kramer of Thresholds, and I are collaborating to bring both of our doula trainings for the price of one to aspiring doulas.

40-module online birth doula training course
Unlimited monthly Q&A calls with Carrie
4-live Zoom sessions with Amity that cover emotional intelligence and relationship skills
Community forum for 24/7/365 problem-solving, connection, networking, and resourcing
Inclusive content and approach to birthwork
Taught through a social justice and anti-racism lens

Learn More now

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Anatomy of an Online Course Launch

Carrie Kenner — Mon, 22 Apr 2024 05:43:41 +0000

Social media has changed the face of marketing.

And the pandemic changed the face of learning.

It's Not Optional

Any business knows they must have an online presence if they want to capture their slice of the 70% of the world’s population who use the internet.

And any business owner who works with clients one-on-one — coaches, healing professionals, educators, consultants — knows they have to reach more than one person at one time if they want to grow their reach (and income).

Thus, the explosion of online courses that shows up in your social feeds.

Thinking about jumping on the bandwagon?

As an online course creator, business coach, and marketing consultant, let me give it to you straight:

You’re in for a world of surprises if you don’t go in fully informed.

Therefore, I present to you...

The Anatomy of an Online Course Launch

Maybe you're thinking of transforming a course you’ve been offering in person into a passive producer (an on-demand course that people can buy and watch anytime while you rake in the money as you sleep)...

Or you have an idea for a series of short courses that provide bite-size chunks of your premium course to tire-kickers...

Or the pandemic finally vanquished any doubts about what could be taught online and you’re ready to share your intricate whatever method with the world.

All of these are great ideas that have their unique benefits, challenges, and pitfalls. Ready to learn how to take them from conception to birth? Let’s go...

An Idea Is Born

Okay, you have an idea for a course. The next step is to turn it into a curriculum. Don’t know what that word means? That’s your first homework assignment. (Download my free Curriculum Template here to get you started.)

Why is a curriculum important? Because, no matter how intimately you know your subject matter, when you are delivering content online you have to follow a few important rules. Rules designed to get people to start your course and to keep going.

Outlining your content in a curriculum forces you to organize what you know in a way that keeps online learners engaged. (If you don’t know much about adult learning theory or learning styles, now would be a good time to learn about it before you get too deep into your curriculum design and create a course that doesn’t work for a lot of people.)

Your curriculum will also get you thinking about how you’ll deliver your content (talking head presentation, video demonstration, narrated slides, etc.) and how you might structure any interactive components (Q&A session, breakout rooms, live demo, return demonstration, etc.)

Also, if you intend to get Continuing Education hours for your course, your curriculum will be a start to the information professional organizations will require from you.

Now that you have your course outlined, the next steps follow, but not in any particular order:

Create the Course

Since your course is online, it must be delivered either live or via a recording form some technology platform. Zoom is the easiest, more familiar option for most people and it will do the trick when you are starting out. You will make your life easier if you get a paid account with all the professional options you need to deliver and record your course.

If/when you want to upgrade the professionalism of your online courses, you can hire a professional videographer and go into a slick-looking studio to have your teaching sessions recorded and edited, with branded slides and music added to enhance the quality.

Your online course will either be delivered live online to a group of people, or pre-recorded. You can also mix and match with some pre-recorded content (typically called ‘modules’) and some live sessions.

Regardless of which format you choose to offer your content, you will need a platform to house it. Even if your course is all live, and you email students from your gmail account, you’re going to need some place where your content “lives” so students can access recordings, handouts, articles, etc. at any time. Yes, you can do that with Google Drive, but it’s not the most efficient or professional platform so I recommend you research online course platforms (Thrivecart, Kajabi, and Thinkific are some options with a wide range of price points).

The Marketing Plan

Where (and how) will you market your course? For an online course to be successful, you likely want to sell it. Lots of it.

(If you don't have plans to sell lots of your course, and are creating it for some other reason, you can skip the rest of this section. Lucky you.)

If your current email list is a few dozen or a few hundred people (likely people who met you through your in-person work), they aren’t likely to buy from you. Why? They already got your goodies.

So you need to reach more people, and once those people buy your course (you can plan on that being about 1-2% of them according to industry standards), you have to reach even more people. It’s an endless cycle.

Are you starting to see one of the big pitfalls of online courses? Yes, you make the course once. But you market it forever.

Online courses are a great addition to your array of products, but you have to keep finding people who might be interested to show them what you got. And that, my friend, is the #1 Challenge of creating online courses: Marketing.

Your People-Attracting Funnel

If you’re still on board, your marketing plan is going to need a strategy for attracting new people continually. Most marketing strategies for online courses consist of a funnel.

A funnel is designed to get many people’s attention (with a free offer that shows off your skills) and then continue communicating with them (usually via a series of emails) so they get to know you, like you, trust you, and ultimately buy from you.

I know you’ve seen funnels in action. You’ve likely been a part of one or many. So I recommend that — right now — you make a list of funnel traits that you like (do you like free training webinars, 5-day email challenges, training videos, checklists, Top 10 guides, etc,) and think about which ones a) you’d most like to create and deliver, and b) which ones would work best for your audience.

That, my friend, is your lead generator.which you use to attract potential new clients. Now you need to create it. And then decide where it lives and how to deliver it.

This is kind of like a snowball turning into an avalanche, huh?

And we haven’t even got to the emails part...

Wooing Your Audience

Now that you’ve got your lead generator created, you’re going to release it to the world.

But you’re not just going to post it as a download on your Facebook account (and you can’t even do that from Instagram), so you have to come up with a way to get people’s email addresses so you can send it to them. Say ‘Hello’ to a new pop-up form.

Why go through that extra step?

Because you want to keep emailing those folks who just became your potential clients.

You’ll hear this over and over again in marketing: You own your email list. Social media accounts are just rented space. In other words, you can get kicked off social in a heartbeat and lose everything that’s there. It’s happened to the best of us.

Instead, you must get interested people on your email list and start the nurture process. This is where you woo a potential client from a ‘first date’ to a second date and on to a committed relationship.

The easiest way to do this is with a series of interesting, informative, personality-filled, content-rich emails that move your readers from ‘I just wanted the free thing’ to ‘Hmmm, this person has some really good ideas’ to ‘I can’t wait to learn more from them’ and pulling out their credit card.

If the thought of writing a bunch of emails that are “interesting, informative, personality-filled, and content-rich” makes you break out in a sweat, you’ve just arrived at Online Course Creation Challenge #2: Copywriting.

But Wait, There’s More

Now that you have your charming emails going out to woo your audience (and hopefully you’ve automated those emails, which is another project in and of itself), you have to send folks somewhere to sign up for your course.

That could be as simple as sending them a link to your PayPal account, but a wiser, more professional approach would be to send them to a sales page to seal the deal.

A sales page is a single web page (aka ‘landing page’) that provides more information — and many more reasons — why someone should buy your course. It talks about the problem your course solves, your unique solution to their problem, the benefits your students will receive from the course, how their lives will be improved after they take your course, why you are the one and only person to teach them this, and why they should buy now.

You can also add bonuses to increase the value of your course and make it irresistible for people to buy it. Bonuses can include additional training videos, handouts, interviews with experts in a related field, access to another course of yours, you get the idea...

Your sales page will include the big BUY NOW button to register, which will either take them to an order form on your course platform, your PayPal account, or some other magical technology that will collect their payment and add them to your student list.

The Order of Things

You may wonder why I said you could do the above steps in any order. Because it’s true. You can start marketing a course before it’s created. You can create the course and market it later.

You can create your sales page first, your emails second, your lead generator last and reverse-engineer your funnel.

Whatever works for you, your interests, and your energy. You might do what you think are the hardest things first to get it done with. Or you might start with the easier, more enjoyable parts first to get your momentum going.

However you do it, you should absolutely have a plan in place that accounts for all the details. We call this a launch plan and it shows each step of your marketing funnel and course creation process with associated action items and any deadlines.

It might look something like this:

On With the Show

Finally, now that you’ve got your students enrolled, you have to deliver your course.

If it’s an evergreen or on-demand course that requires no involvement from you, you just give them a way to access it.

But if it’s a course that has a live component, you’re going to need more emails to remind them of the live calls, provide Zoom links, add to calendar links, and generally keep them engaged.

Why on Earth Would Anyone Do This?

After reading through all this, you may be wondering why anybody wants to create an online course, once they’re fully informed.

Because it’s the best way to serve more people than you can one-on-one.

When you can teach to a group, you get paid more per hour of teaching. When you expand that group to include people around your state, country, or the world, you can reach a huge audience with your gifts (and get paid way more per hour).

An important consideration that I haven’t mentioned yet is the cost of producing an online course. There’s a saying in business: You can either have time or money, but not both. Or put another way, You’re either going to spend time or money in your business, but not neither.

For most people creating their first online course, they’re going to invest a LOT of time and a few hundred to a few thousand dollars.

If you are in a position to pay top dollar for all the things to create your course (pro videographer, Kajabi, launch strategist, marketing consultant, web designer, copywriter, VA to set it all up for you), it will take some of the time burden off you, but there is still a lot you will have to put into your project. It will just be a lot easier.

Whether you are in the time or money camp, you can hire me to guide you through the entire process and do much of the work for you.

Many professionals were forced to move their work online during the pandemic. Some found they liked it. Some found their customers demanded it. So whether they want to or not, it’s where they need to be.

For most people, the appeal of not commuting, renting space, or hauling work supplies around is enough to get them to consider the investment in creating an online course.

In the birth world (my niche), the temptation of reaching more expecting families and not being on call is a biggie. Way more convenient. Way less disruptive to one’s life. But also maybe a bit premature.

Be Choosy

The influx of courses on any and every topic is overwhelming. People looking for a quick course on how to bake the perfect birthday cake don’t know if they’re learning from Jo down the street who just finished taking their own birthday-cake-baking online course, or the inventor of the cronut (Dominique Ansel if you’re wondering).

So here’s my caveat: If you are just starting out in your field and don’t have the chops yet, spend your time developing the nuanced skills that come only from working in person. Earn your place in your field before crashing the online world (even if you have the money or the social media following to do it). My motto is: Always be ethical in what you’re offering.

People who are truly skilled at what they do (massage therapists, doulas, yoga instructors, personal trainers) can teach inside a box. They honed their skills over years — if not decades — to be that good.

They have the language, the embodied knowledge, the stories, and the charisma to communicate what they know in any format. You feel their energy from across the airwaves. They can describe, explain, and demonstrate a technique for any style of learner.

If you’re looking for a course, do your homework and find out about the trainer’s background. How long have they been in the field? What’s their special sauce? Do they have lots of training under their belt or did they skip that part and go right to being a ‘pro?’ Have they taught anywhere else before (or worked with many people individually)?

Virtual learning can be a boon to the teacher and student alike. Just make sure — if you’re the trainer — you have the goods to deliver a quality product to your audience and — if you’re the student — you’re getting the best trainer possible.

There you have it. The Anatomy of an Online Course Launch all laid out for you to pore over. It’s a lot and you probably have lots of questions. Schedule a free 30-minute call with me if you’re contemplating the leap and I can answer all of them.

I also have many free tools so let me know what you need help with and I’ll send it over. Leave your request in the comments or see my email address in the Junk Drawer : )

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A Tribute to Penny Simkin

Carrie Kenner — Wed, 17 Apr 2024 18:57:42 +0000

One of my most impactful mentors, Penny Simkin, left this realm on 4/11/24.

Penny is known as the mother of the modern doula movement.

She has star quality in the birth world.

But to know her up close and in person — to learn how to teach alongside her — was a lesson in humility, grace, and compassion.

Here's Penny

Penny taught me these things:

You never know what's going on inside another person, but they have a darn reason for doing whatever it is they're doing.
Ask for consent before touching, speaking on someone's behalf, and even for something as seemingly innocent as offering information.
Listen.
Sit on your hands and hold your tongue.
Your job isn't to fix anything; it's to just be there.

When I was a newbie childbirth educator, one of the students in my class had a stillbirth. Penny heard about it and reached out to me to see if I needed support. She didn't even know me then, she'd just heard about the new childbirth educator in town.

Years later, after we were colleagues, I'd been called on the carpet at a birth for advocating for my client (the day after my best friend's baby had died so I was an emotional wreck), I reached out to Penny for guidance. She was so sweet. "Oh my," she said, in characteristic Penny understatement, "this is not good. Here's what you could try next time."

It was always "here's what you could try," never "what you SHOULD do."

Because if Penny believed in anything, it was empowering other people by listening, witnessing, being present, and reflecting what she heard. Not telling them what to do.

"Here's what you could try..."

Penny's Legacy

When I think of the words "leave a legacy," Penny is my model. A few years ago, when I wrote what I'd like my legacy to be, Penny was who I had in mind.

Penny leaves a legacy of...

Establishing the word 'doula' in the American lexicon
Ushering in thousands of doulas who are still serving families around the world
Educating, empowering, and entertaining thousands (like over 15,000!) of expecting and new families
Inspiring a world of birth professionals
Bridging the divide between hospital birth and natural birth practices (she was magical at that)
Teaching positions and movements to support normal birth from her expertise as a physical therapist
Introducing birthing tubs, squat bars, and birth balls into hospitals
Illuminating the impact of trauma on birthing people
Being open to change and inclusivity instead of being stuck in outdated ways

For all the things she accomplished, I've never met a person more humble than Penny Simkin.

How Penny Furthered My Career

Penny and I had our differences... she was calm and certain. I was a hothead and outspoken. But our mutual respect was undeniable.

Penny taught me how to create a curriculum, working elbow to elbow at her dining room table. That simple tool catapulted my career, helping me create and offer courses and continuing education credits for thousands of doulas.

We were the two Senior Instructors at the Simkin Center for Allied Birth Vocations at Bastyr University. We debated the nice-to-know, good-to-know, and must-know topics for the doula training curriculum.

We sat in countless planning meetings, taught birth doula trainings side by side, and attended birth conferences around the country. Penny and I were invited to Astoria, OR, for a weekend of events and shared an airbnb together. I delighted my group of doula students with a guest appearance from Penny. That evening, I cooked dinner for her husband, Peter, while Penny spoke at the local hospital.

I was fascinated by the energy, dedication, and determination of this woman. Even though she is known for her humility, her steadfast devotion to promoting normal birth and supporting birthing people never wavered. She always found a way to speak her mind with compassion and conviction.

Penny's Most Profound Impact

The most profound thing Penny taught me (and many others) was to ask this simple question:

How will she/he/they remember this?

Before taking any action at a client’s birth, I would ask myself this question.

Will my action of “helping them” actually leave them feeling less empowered or weak?

Do I know for certain this is what they want in this moment or am I expressing what I want?

Am I doing something because I think it makes me look good?

What can I do to make my client’s memory of this moment better?

Trust me: the answer stopped me in my tracks many times.

Penny went so far as to print this question on t-shirts. On the back of the t-shirt so anyone else in the room (doctor, nurse, midwife, partner, relatives, staff) might also stop and ask themselves this powerful question.

I invite you to adopt this quesetion into your life when you are working with anyone in any setting, as I have.

Penny also helped thousands — if not millions — of birthing people without them even knowing. If you have ever used a birthing tub, squat bar, or birthing ball in labor, you have Penny to thank for introducing those into American hospitals. They are now standard equipment in most labor rooms.

Sharing A Loss

They say a person only truly dies when the last person who has a memory of them passes on.

I know many of the thousands of families Penny taught have told their kids about their childbirth educator, Penny Simkin.

I'm going to make sure my children and grandchildren know who Penny Simkin was and what she meant to me so she'll live on for a long long time after her passing.

I know Penny’s family is deeply grieving their mother/grandmother/sister. For the rest of us, we are missing an icon, a mentor, a huge influence in our lives.

I think of the pain and sadness I’ve gone through since my mom passed away a few months ago. I often felt alone in my grief. But I also didn’t have to “share” my mom with the world, or share my loss alongside tens of thousands of other people. I think that must be an odd feeling.

I hope Penny’s family is buoyed by the outpouring of love Penny has created around the world.

Penny At Her Best

You'd think — with all the conferences, fund-raisers, trainings, planning sessions, and meetings we attended together — I'd have a great picture of the two of us. I know there were many pictures of us taken together, I just don't have them : (

But here is one I took of Penny at her best...listening (to her dear friend, Phyllis Klaus:

Rest in Power, Penny! You deserve it.

I am grateful for your mentorship. I am grateful for our friendship. I love you and I will miss you.

Thank you!

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Anatomy of a Great Website: The Essential Components

Carrie Kenner — Tue, 16 Apr 2024 03:29:29 +0000

Welcome to Part 2 of the April blog/vlog series on growth and expansion.

This week, I want to show you the Anatomy of a Great Website...a website that works because...well, websites are not like they used to be!

Last week, I talked about when I started my business, and how I built my website from scratch using HTML code.

I learned from a book how to do that, long before CSS and all the fancy design code we have today.

There was no drag and drop, plug and play website builders. Entrepreneurs had to figure it out on their own and let’s just say: Websites weren’t super attractive.

But my old website served me very well for many years.

It grew and grew as my business grew and grew until it was so outdated it was laughable.

By then, I had enough resources to hire a website designer and got a really beautiful website built.

Now, I’m on my 6th website.

Our concept of websites has changed, the functionality of them has changed, and what they can do for a business has changed.

Just How Many Websites Are There?

In 2001, when I started my business, there were about 300 million websites worldwide, and about 10% of the world's population accessed the internet.

Today, there are over 1.1 billion websites. Only about 200 million of them are active, but 70% of the world's population has access and uses the internet.

Those statistics alone have shaped how websites function.

So let me tell you what a really good website looks like by today's standards. (And I want to remind you if you're reading this five years from now, websites will likely have changed drastically.)

When I first made my website, it was page, page, page, page, page, and you didn't have a lot on each page.

We were instructed by the website gurus of the time that if our pages were too long, people wouldn't read them. Which is true. Kinda.

A few years later, we were told no, no, no, make your pages really long.

So I had loooong pages and fewer of them.

The advice has gone back and forth pretty much like the styles of jeans. Wait long enough and they’ll all come around again.

But right now, both long and short pages are in vogue, along with combinations of both on one site.

You can have a long form homepage.

You can have a logo-only homepage that’s an entry point to more pages.

You could have numerous pages or you could have just one page.

You could have long form sales pages, short landing pages, and medium opt-in pages.

There are so many different options of how website pages can be structured, but one thing is not optional: good copy.

I’m going to walk you through the copy for an ideal long-form homepage that I recommend a business creates when it is starting out.

A business might also have an additional About page and a Services or Products page, but if not, they can get away with having this one page because it will contain all the important elements that a potential client is going to need.

"Your website works for you even while you're sleeping."

Kinda Like a Stalker...

As a business owner, you've probably heard, Your website works for you even while you're sleeping.

And that is true. Which is why a website is the first thing that I recommend people create when they are going into business.

A website is more important than social media because you need to have a place where people who want to ‘window shop’ can go while you're sleeping and check out you and what you do.

Yes, you can have a business page on Facebook, a Profile page on Instagram, or a page on LinkedIn but we all know those pages are not nearly as versatile and functional as a web page.

You want your website to be a hub where people can visit and, from there, they can go in a number of different directions depending on what they are looking for.

So let’s start from the top.

Break It Down

Imagine you've just clicked on a link and a website appears before your eyes.

The first thing you expect to see is a logo, maybe a row of tabs across the top, and some kind of header.

You, business owner, have less than three seconds to attract the visitor with your header.

If they're not attracted by what they see, they're going to click away and move on.

If they are attracted, they're going to scroll down to get more information, which is bingo!

What gets people to stay the magical 3+ seconds and scroll for more?

A header that speaks to them. It uses words they use. Says what is on their mind or heart. They feel seen immediately and say, “Hey, you get me!”

Your header also needs something visually appealing that relates to them, your business, or your products or services. Not just a pretty landscape (unless you’re a landscaper photographer).

The next thing in your header should be one sentence that says what you do. Not who you are. What you do for your ideal customer. One sentence.

“I write click-worthy webpages, emails, and more.” (That’s mine.)

A couple of other things that are important in the header is a call-to-action (CTA) button in the upper right hand side, as this is where Westerners’ eyes go because we read left to right.

So, the visitor sees the logo on the left the CTA button on the right

Then the message that tells them, “Ooh, they get me!”

And the one-liner that says what you do to help them

And, voila, they keep scrolling.

But it's not the only time we're gonna see that call to action button, as you're going to learn later.

Now, let’s go back to that message in the header that lets them know, “Ooh, you get me!”

Two things are crucial in that message:

1. It has to either name the problem your ideal client is experiencing, or it has to name their aspirational identity...who they want to become.

If they don't recognize their problem or who they want to become, they don't know you are talking to them. So why are they gonna stick around?

If your header starts talking about something too clever, or that you inherited this business from your grandfather, or something not related to them, they are going to leave.

So you have to quickly use the words they would use to attract them.

2. The second thing is you have to tell them right up top how you solve their problem or how you help them become the person they want to be.

Yours might be:

I help businesses write great copy.

I help businesses know how to launch a course.

I help you to become the best parent possible.

Now that you’ve got their attention, they're going to start scrolling down.

The Biggest Mistake You’ll Probably Make (Unless You Read This Section)

The next thing you want them to know is that you really understand them. You’re going to do that by talking more about them, not about you.

This is the biggest mistake I see most business owners make.

They launch into talking about themselves, their products, their business, their services, how they started, how long they’ve been in business...

But they don’t care about that...yet.

Before they want to know about you, they want to make sure you really get them. You do that by talking more about them and their problem.

It sucks when you wake up in the middle of the night worried your business is going to flail.

It’s so hard when you're putting in 14 hour days and never see your family because you're trying to get this darn course created.

It feels so scary when you're pregnant and you're worried if you're going to be a good parent because your parents weren't that great. What if you pass on the same mistakes?

Whatever the thing is that you know your ideal client struggles with, you want to talk about it.

Some business owners say, ‘I don’t want to freak my clients out. I don’t want to tell them their parents sucked.’ Sure you do! If they know it and you know it, you’re a good match. If you try to gloss it over, they won’t feel understood.

You want your future clients to know they're not going to have to convince you of the kinds of problems they have or the help they need.

What If You Don't

There’s a saying in marketing:

If you confuse, you lose.

You don't want potential customers to use a lot of brain calories trying to figure out if you're the right solution for them. Show them what you know and what you offer quickly and succinctly.

So now that you’ve shown them you understand their problems, you also want to talk about the kind of transformation you're going to help them make.

“You don’t have to worry whether your website copy sings because I find your voice and sing it for you.”

Now you’re letting people know a little bit about what you do.

This is what they can look forward to when they work with you.

If you offer what they are looking for, you have them hooked and they keep reading...

Now it's time to introduce yourself and your solution.

I always recommend you start with empathy. A statement that says what no one should have to suffer with.

‘No business owner should have to struggle with writing while they're trying to find their first clients.’

‘No parent should have to worry about being judged when they're just trying to get it right.’

Here’s where you talk about yourself. Tell them all the things you know, how long you've been doing this, why you got started, how many clients you've helped, etc.

This is how you build your authority.

You also want them to get to know you a little bit. Tell them about your family, your interests, what you do on weekends...

You want them to like you. You want them to trust you. Because that’s how you’re going to turn them into someone who wants to work with you.

On To the Nitty Gritty

Now that you've introduced yourself, you want to talk about the services and products you offer.

You’re not going to list all of them, but you want to show the main categories of services or products.

“I offer business coaching, marketing, consulting, and copywriting.”

“I offer classes, one-on-one coaching, and in-person support.”

If your website has service pages, each category links to that service/product page.

If not, you can list your top packages, with bullet-point descriptions of the features, right on your home page.

Do not confuse visitors with too many options at this point.

Remember: If you confuse, you lose.

3 Easy Steps

Next, you want to instruct people how they can start working with you. You get 3, maximum 4, steps to do that.

The first step is the call to action — the thing you want them to do NOW: Sign up, schedule a call, learn more.

The second step is the action they’ll take to buy from you: Choose a class. Pick your package. Do the exercises.

The third step is the transformation they’ll start to experience: See the clients rolling in. Feel awesome. Wake up with a bounce in your step.

1. Schedule a call. 2. Choose your package. 3. Listen to your website sing.

1. Sign up for the Parenting Kit. 2. Start practicing the exercises. 3. Feel like June Cleaver. (Too young to get that reference? Make sure your references are for your ideal audience!)

Again, very high level and very easy steps. Something they could do today!

Give Me Proof

Now you want to give them social proof: testimonials.

You want people to know this isn't your first rodeo, cowboy. You’ve been doing this for a while. Here’s what other people who have worked with you have said.

Your testimonials can either scroll by or be a static list. They tell your visitors, ‘Wow, look at all these great things they’ve done. All the other people like me they’ve helped.'

Testimonials help people trust you even more, so if they were hesitant about clicking on that button, now they're more likely to.

The Second Date

But for some people — even though they’ve made it this far down your website — they still may not be ready to buy.

So what you do now is offer a transitional call to action.

These are the free things that pop up in those pesky windows...a free video, Top Ten list, quiz, webinar, etc. We call them freebies or lead generators.

Some people need to see a little bit more about what it's like to work with you, what they can learn from you, what your style is like.

I don't encourage businesses to ask people to sign up for a newsletter or email list because those things don’t appear valuable. Instead of them getting something from you, you’re going to get them!

Think of the transitional call to action as a second date. When they landed on your website, that was the first date. If they’re not ready to make a commitment yet, they need a second date.

The Power of Story

The whole homepage should actually be telling the story of your customer’s transformation: Going from the problems in their life today to what their life will look like after they work with you.

If your website is telling a good story, visitors are going to stick around a lot longer.

Show them how it sucks where they are now, but then along comes you who has what they need.

They see some hope. They have a glimmer of what their life might look like in the future. They learn about how you can help them.

You show them what the transformation looks like so they can see their new life.

Remind them they don’t want to feel like this a year from now. Now’s their chance. Take the action. Buy the thing. Don’t wait another minute!

You might even end the story with a little warning: Many parents have learned the hard way and found themselves repeating their parents' mistakes. They come to me guilty and ashamed. Don't’ let that happen to you.

Button, Button, Who’s Got the Button

I want to say more about the CTA button I mentioned earlier.

After every section I've outlined above, there should be a CTA button. It says the ONE thing you want them to do: Schedule a Call, Register Now, Learn More.

Your CTA button is strategically placed all throughout this long page — and on every page of your site.

Your CTA button should be a different color from anything else on your website so it visually stands out. And it should have the same words every time so there's no confusion about what you want them to do.

You confuse, you lose, right?

The Junk Drawer

And then finally, you have the junk drawer.

That's the stuff at the bottom of your web pages where you list all your social media links, the Contact Me link, your address or phone number or email link.

You might also have any legal statements and disclaimers that are required for your business.

What About YOU?

If you are going to have more than a long-form home page, the next most visited page on a website is the About page.

This is where you fully introduce yourself, toot your own horn, and talk about all the things you’ve done.

Humans love stories. Your home page tells the story of your customer’s transformational journey from working with you. This page tells your transformational journey to inspire them.

Maybe your story parallels theirs. Tell your visitors your history, what happened in your life that led you to this work, and what you’ve learned along the way.

Share a story from your childhood that's relevant to the work you're doing now. People love that stuff.

Let them see you're not a flash in the pan, that you've been gestating this work for a long time. Even if you're new in your field, show people the depth of your knowledge.

Be sure to include a photo or two of you doing something you love.

You can also include a list of trainings or certifications, accomplishments

Ultimately, you want visitors to say, “This person looks really cool.”

If they think you're cool, they’re probably going to enjoy working with you.

And that's a win-win for everyone.

What You Have to Offer

If you have more than one or two services, I recommend a Service or Product page.

If you have many products, you’ll likely have an e-commerce site, one where you click on items and they go in a basket and then you check out.

That’s beyond the scope of this blog, but whether you have an e-commerce site or are a one-person service company, your products should be categorized so people can find things.

If you were selling shoes, there'd be men's shoes and women's shoes and kids' shoes.

There'd be boys' shoes and girl shoes. There'd be sneakers and fancy shoes.

There'd be sports shoes and sandals.

Within each category, all the styles would be shown, then the sizes and customizations.

You want your services to be organized so people can find what they’re looking for so they don't get confused and leave.

It’s more likely you have just a few categories of services. If you’re a healing professional, you might offer in-person one-on-one sessions, online group programs, and virtual coaching. You could put all those on one page.

But if you have multiple classes, a line of products, and one-on-one services, you might have a separate page for each. How you organize your pages might also depend on SEO, which I’ll cover below.

My copywriting website is an example of a long-form homepage. It shows my services as packages. You see three packages and their features, or you can click on an ala carte menu to see individual services.

Whether you are listing services or packages, you’ll need to list their key features and benefits.

Features are things like: 15 modules, 2 in-person visits, handouts, workbook, washable, reversible... what the services or product includes.

Benefits are how the customer improves from the service or product: Peace of mind, tools to make life easier, techniques to get your kids to sleep, skills for being a better soccer player.

And be sure to list your prices. Not including your prices sucks.

Can you imagine going into any store and not having the price on things?

There are stores like that. They're for really rich people. So unless you're working with really rich people who don't have to ask how much you charge, put your prices on your website.

Here's why: If you're in a service business and people have to schedule a call to talk with you, you don't want them to schedule a call if they can't afford you or they don’t want to pay your prices. They have to know your fees ahead of time so you can prevent wasting everyone’s time.

If you have sliding scales, discounts, or scholarships, include that information in your pricing section so folks know there are options for them.

I was getting a load of gravel last summer and a lot of places said, “Call for pricing.”

“No,” I thought. “Show me your pricing! If your pricing fluctuates a lot, update your website a lot. That's the least you could do if you want me to give you hundreds of dollars for a pile of rocks.”

The company who had their prices posted got my business.

You might feel differently, but research shows that most people favor sites that include their prices.

E-I-E-I-S-E-O

The last thing I want you to know about is SEO — Search Engine Optimization. Whenever you open up your web browser and enter words in the search bar, SEO is working in the background to bring you results.

Every website (or page) has SEO keywords entered behind the scenes. This is how the web browser matches the words in the search bar to the websites out there.

SEO has its own tricky algorithms, but they aren’t as merciless as social media algorithms. In addition to key words, there are things like how long your website has been available, how dynamic is it, when was it last updated, how many links it has, how many other pages link to yours, how many pictures and videos, how many visitors and clicks, and how long people stay on your site.

All these things factor into your ranking (where you show up on the page of results).

Most business owners hire an SEO specialist to help them rank higher. You can also learn SEO yourself, but the algorithms change often and you’ll need some data analysis as well.

There you have it. The essential components of a great website by today’s standards.

If you have any questions, please give me a call so we can talk about your website. Does it need an overhaul? Or is it just kind of blah? What feels like drudgery for many business owners is a joy for me.

I’d love to take a look. Get a free 15-minute copy review and my feedback.

I also have many free tools so let me know what you need help with and I’ll send it over. Leave your request in the comments or see my email address in the Junk Drawer : )

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Growing A Business: My Journey into the Heart of Entrepreneurship

Carrie Kenner — Mon, 08 Apr 2024 15:02:33 +0000

Welcome April! A new month means it’s time for a new theme.

Leading into the year, the theme was all about the nature of human beings: families, our brains, decision-making, and where our passions and inspiration come from.

February, I explored how we want to be heard and seen, which led into March, which was about where your business is going and goal setting, creating plans to move forward.

And this month is about growth and expansion.

I’m going to talk about ways individuals and businesses can help themselves evolve, transform, move on to bigger things, and how to do that.

Today, I’m going to start with how I grew my business and the changes I’ve seen...

The Beginnings of Big Belly Services

The year was 2001.

When I started my business, Big Belly Services, there was a nascent internet. No Wix, no Squarespace, no online courses.

For bootstrap entrepreneurs on the brink of the technology boom, it was bleak. You had to DIY it or die.

If you didn’t have that start-from-scratch ability, you had to have money to pay someone to start it for you.

I didn't have money, but thankfully, I had an old-school work ethic and dug in. I took free classes from the Small Business Administration on business finances. Wrote and printed out brochures on my home printer. And learned how to create a website with a book.

I didn't know anything about marketing. That was years to come.

I also want to set some context for starting my business...

I had a newborn baby. I’d just turned 40. My father had died two months ago — while I was eight months pregnant — and a few weeks after that, I got laid off from the company I'd been with for 16 years.

A lot was going on.

You often hear people say, “Out of adversity comes opportunity.”

And that's what happened to me.

This confluence of events opened a doorway that I'd been wanting to step through for many years, which was starting my own business.

I didn't know what I was going to start a business for. I thought maybe I’d be a race director or an event organizer or a wedding planner.

But instead — because I was pregnant and I was in the world of birth — it was going to be as a doula, and eureka! I became one.

“Out of adversity comes opportunity.”

The Unfolding

Starting in April of 2001, I took a birth doula training. Everything was in person in those days and I was fortunate to live in Seattle where doula trainings were offered regularly.

Two months later, I went to a Birthing From Within childbirth educator training.

When my son was nine months old, I started offering my first childbirth classes.

When he was 11 months old, I went to my first birth as a doula.

It was a pretty rapid process of starting a business and doing the things.

Growth Through Learning and Connecting

I was especially fortunate that my midwives said, “Hey, why don't you teach childbirth classes? We'll refer our clients to you and you can teach them in our waiting room.”

I had some really key connections that helped me get started.

But this was also an area of passion.

I'd wanted to be a midwife since my first child was born 20 years ago. And I'd been a childbirth educator when I was much younger, but in a very different style of education that didn't fit where I was at this time in life.

So things were lining up very nicely for me.

Now, some other things you should know is that I am a diehard do-it-yourselfer. I spent hours and hours and hours in my basement office with my baby in a sling strapped to my chest — either napping or nursing. As he got older, he'd play at my feet while I created everything from scratch.

Registration forms, my curriculum, brochures, a website.

I remember getting my first online sale without even talking to the client and their money just showed up in my account. I thought I was the shit!

This was the greatest thing since sliced bread!

Challenges and Early Wins

Those early wins certainly helped me to grow and expand.

Plus, I'm just naturally creative, resourceful, and dedicated.

I had a lot of energy. I got shit done. I'm 63 now and I still get shit done!

I still work with the same principles of hard work and building what you need, only now there are so many more tools at our disposal.

I was teaching childbirth classes and the people in the classes asked if I would be their doula. So I started going to more births as a doula.

My business kept slowly growing. It wasn’t fast and crazy growth like some folks might see today with an online reach, there was just a nice, steady stream of people coming my way.

Various doctors and midwives heard of me from their clients who had taken my birth classes, so I started to get more birth class registrations from them.

And then those birth class students turned into more doula clients and word-of-mouth referrals.

So my business kept growing.

Now, I don't want you to think there weren't months when I had to cancel classes because nobody signed up because that definitely happened.

But I do want you to know that I attended 25 births in my first year, then 35 births the next year, and 40 or more births per year from then on.

With my birth classes, I was teaching one evening a week for six weeks or a weekend immersion. I'd alternate those every month until more people wanted in.

And there were other professionals in the community who wanted to teach Birthing From Within classes with me.

So I started to offer classes two nights a week, and every weekend a month instead of every other month.

I brought in another teacher, then a second, and a third, and stopped teaching the classes myself.

By now, I was running a childbirth class business. I hired an assistant who managed all of our registrations and communications with students.

Birth of a Doula Trainer

And then in 2004, I was approached to become a doula trainer with the Seattle Midwifery School. It doesn't get much better than training alongside Penny Simkin, the godmother of the doula world.

So I became a birth doula trainer. By 2008, I'd created my own doula training curriculum.

I was teaching it through my own business, and I was invited to travel to different places around the country to train doulas in their communities as well.

Things were continuing to grow very nicely for me.

By 2015, I was done running the childbirth education business and closed that part of my business entirely. I wanted to focus on being a doula and training doulas.

In 2017, I started to offer my doula trainings virtually so people locally could attend in person while people from around the country could attend via Zoom.

By 2018, I put an entire doula training online (when folks said it couldn't be done — of course it could be done!)

Around that time, I retired as a birth doula so I was solely training doulas.

I offered birth doula trainings in several different formats.

I traveled around the country training doulas, and I offered a number of advanced doula courses as well.

Watching the Trajectory

What I want you to notice from this trajectory is that there was a gradual buildup.

There were points where it wasn’t just me wanting to do more, but people in my community recognizing what I was doing and approaching me.

It was a combination of being “self-made” and also having a good reputation and getting tapped on the shoulder to say, “Hey, would you come do this with us?”

That's a good sign that your business is growing and that you're establishing yourself as an expert or leader in your field.

The other thing I want you to notice is that the format, the way that I was teaching, and the things I was teaching also evolved over time.

This was an 18-year process of building and growing, trimming away things that were no longer working, trying new things, and adopting new technology to do work differently.

It took time.

Is It Possible to Do It Faster? And If So, Is It Better?

One of the things I see now, which I think is really interesting, is that the timeline of growing, evolving, developing expertise and leadership has condensed into a really short timeframe for a lot of people who are in the online space now.

They were a doula for a few years, and now they're training hundreds of doulas online.

I'm impressed with the chutzpah that it takes to do that.

But I'm also curious about what it takes to create a thriving business in such a short amount of time.

And I wonder about the quality of the end product.

Because what I've seen in my lifetime is that expertise takes time.

Now, granted, I'm older. I wasn't raised with technology and everything being super fast like it is today.

I certainly didn't grow up having access to people from around the world doing a gazillion things instantaneously. That has changed how we think about who we're going to follow, what we will believe, and what we perceive as quality.

Reflecting on Growth and Mastery

What I've observed over the years from really masterful teachers — which I consider myself one — is that we had to understand adult education theory: How do adults learn? What are all the different ways that they learn? What's the psychology of learning?

As education moved online, I was one of the early adopters. I created the first hybrid program at Bastyr University for training childbirth educators.

I had to learn about online education and the theory and psychology behind online learning.

I put many hours of education, experience, and trial and error into creating the courses I developed.

So I wonder if folks who have always had access to online information — just by being immersed in it — have a sense of what's good and what's not good.

That's very possible.

For me — because I wasn't immersed in it — there was a steep learning curve.

Another thing that I've observed from watching experts in a field is their mastery of the content. Their knowledge.

I often say they could teach things from inside a cardboard box.

They could be in a box or online, and you’d feel their charisma, energy, wisdom, and the nuance of everything that they've embodied, transmitted out of the box or across the airwaves.

Somebody who's new at their game doesn't have that.

For example, I've done the double hip squeeze hundreds of times. I've taught it to thousands of doulas. I know how to describe it in words and pictures and demonstrations. I know the camera angles and all the different nuanced ways to describe where to find the landmarks and what the doula should feel and what the pregnant person should feel and how to ask about that.

I know all the intricate aspects of teaching one technique because of my years of teaching it in person.

What Do YOU Think?

I can’t watch everything out there; I'm just seeing all the new courses popping up.

So I'd love to hear from you...

Do you notice when somebody hasn't been in the trenches a long time to have developed their chops — the personal finesse of doing different things before they're teaching it — is a good teacher?

I don't want the public — who's overwhelmed with choices — to be confused, to not know which course they should pick, or to choose one that isn't very good.

I'd love to hear what you are seeing in the trends of online education or where education, in general, is going.

Are you getting your needs met? Is it hard to discern a quality course or not? Are you satisfied with what you are finding?

And Also, How's YOUR Business Doing?

I'd love to hear how your business started, how it's grown, and the direction you're taking it in.

I'm always ready to help people figure out the business they want to start, or help their business grow, or help market new services or products.

Supporting heart-centered business owners is what I'm all about. So leave a comment below, or send me an email if you have questions, or schedule a call if you need assistance.

And be sure to sign up for my blog below to get instant notification when a new one is posted.

Next week, I'll talk about the evolving role of websites and my formula for a winning website.

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Setting Goals by Writing Your Own WHAT?!?!

Carrie Kenner — Mon, 11 Mar 2024 06:50:46 +0000

Goal Setting

In last week’s vlog, I wrote about mission statements.

One of the things about a mission statement is it doesn’t include goals. A mission statement should not be specific, measurable, or time-bound.

Its point is to be lofty and paint a picture of what you are working toward.

But this week, I am talking about goals.

One of the things that characterizes a goal is that it is specific, measurable, achievable, and has a deadline. That’s the only way you’d know if you achieved a goal!

Read about my process below and if you like it, you can sign up for a FREE workshop to work on your goals.

Weird Times Call for Weird Measures

During the pandemic when — like everyone else — I was floundering with too much time and too many questions on my mind, I learned this goal-setting process from Donald Miller.

Donald Miller is the author of the book, StoryBrand, which is a method of copywriting (my favorite) I use all the time. He has written many books for business owners and coaches and I love his work.

Back in March 2020, he offered to share the goal-setting process that he uses. And since he's been extremely successful in life and is a good-hearted person, I wanted to learn his secret sauce.

What I love about this process is that it starts very weirdly, and I love weird things!

“It starts very weirdly, and I love things that are weird!”

Starting at the End

You begin the process by writing...your obituary.

Writing your own obituary is an opportunity to future-think your life’s goals and purpose and ask yourself the question: What’s the legacy I want to leave?

Some people think this is morbid.

I think it's really empowering. So take it or leave it.

This exercise is not about setting a dollar amount you hope to earn in your lifetime (though that could be a part of it). It’s about what you want your life to have meant. How you want to show up. What you want people to remember about you.

Because when you do that, your life has purpose.

The point is to think about what you want to be able to say about your life after all is said and done.

It’s Quite Timely for Me

I’m in the process of writing my mom’s obituary and planning her memorial service, so it’s very poignant for me right now to talk about writing your own obituary.

It would have been fascinating had my mom written about how she would like to be remembered.

I always wonder how well we see ourselves like others do.

Fortunately, my mom did write a lot about her family history, and that was helpful for writing her obituary and the services.

And I hope my children appreciate the obituary I wrote for myself (even more so, I hope I achieve what’s in it so they don’t have to re-write the whole damn thing).

Writing Your Obituary

Writing your own obituary is like reverse-engineering your life.

You start with the legacy you want to leave and figure out what you’re going to have to do to get there.

I recommend you find an hour or two where you can begin the process undisturbed. Find a comfortable and quiet place to write. Eat something yummy, feel the air on your skin, take a few deep breaths, and appreciate this life and body you are in.

Then just start writing all the things you’d want people to say about you, how you touched their lives, how you inspired them, what you accomplished, what you are most proud of, what you enjoyed the most in life, and what you are known for.

You could also include a few of your major screw-ups if you want because, hey, we’re all human! But it’s mainly about celebrating what you did.

Get it all down on paper (or device) and then look for the major themes and accomplishments. Then, order those things chronologically and see if you can find the ‘bridges,’ the things that connect one theme or accomplishment or time period of your life to another.

You should end up with one and a half to two pages. I hope you find the exercise as uplifting and inspiring as I did.

Next, the Decades

The next step is to list all the decades in your life, from birth all the way to the end.

Imagine living as long as you’d like or expect to. How many years is that?

For me, I was 60 when I wrote my obituary, and — gods and goddesses willing —I expect to live into my 90s. So I’d had six decades so far, and another three to accomplish the things in my obituary I hadn’t done already.

Now, you start at the beginning.

What did you “accomplish” in the first decade of your life?

That may sound like a joke, but it’s actually a very important question.

Drop into your heart and ask: What aspects of who I am emerged in my first 10 years of life? Things like your general nature, your personality, your natural talents, your place in the family, your style as a learner. These are the ‘accomplishments’ of your childhood.

Then, what happened in your life from 10 to 20? Your identity was forming, you pursued and developed some of your natural talents, you developed relationships and activities independent of others, you emerged into a young adult and perhaps left home, worked out in the world, sought out higher education, and discovered key traits of how you move in the world. You likely came up with your worldview.

Now keep going, decade by decade, looking for the aspects of who you are now that emerged during those 10-year increments. You might include significant relationships that influenced you, jobs, mentors, places, and achievements that contributed to your legacy, and any shifts to your belief system.

Each decade is just one paragraph that sums up what you discovered or developed about yourself in that time period.

Do this until you bring yourself to the present.

And Then the Fun Begins!

What is left for you to do so that folks say the things about you that you wrote in your obituary?

List out the things you have yet to accomplish, and place them in the decades you have left.

You are going to figure out the trajectory of the rest of your life (and this is where we get to the goal-setting).

As you are outlining the coming decades, remember to not only focus on work. Be sure to include things that will lead to the quality of life you want — inner peace, personal development, time with family, contributions, etc.

Turn that list into a paragraph description of what you will have done (write it as if you DID those things) for each decade.

When you’ve mapped out the remaining decades of your life, your Life Plan is complete.

Your Life Theme

Now search through all the decades — past and future — and pull out the major themes about you and your life. The throughline that runs through your way of being in the world. The thing that was evident in you at any age. An undeniable quality or characteristic that everyone recognizes in you. The meaning and purpose of your life overall.

Write those things into one paragraph that encapsulates how and why you lived your life.

This is your life theme and is the capstone of your Life Plan.

Bringing It Into the Present

Okay, take a deep breath. That was a lot of work!

Now, we’re going to focus on the here and now.

Take a look at the description of the decade you are in. (If you are nearing the end of a decade, you might want to just skip to the next decade. If you are just starting or in the middle of a decade, stay where you are.)

What will you need to do in the next 10 years (adjust the number of years depending on where you’re at in this decade) to achieve that vision?

Your 10-year goals will be high-level. Things like: buy a house, build a retreat center, start/change careers, have children, create a farm, travel the world... things that may take an entire 10 years to plan, save up for, implement, etc.

I like to divide my 10-year goals into categories: Career/Work in the World, Family/Community, Health, and Spirituality. You can create any categories that make sense to you.

Your 10-year goals do not have details about what you need to do or how you’ll do them. Just be realistic about what can be done in 10 years.

The Climactic Scenes

In any hero/heroine’s journey, there is a climactic scene: The thing that happened to create the shift that was necessary for transformation to occur.

You see, you’re not writing a fantasy novel here, you’re actually creating the map for your transformation to become the person you just wrote about in your obituary. This is powerful stuff!

So for each future decade, you’re going to forecast a climatic scene. What's the big thing that needs to happen in those 10 years to influence your career, family, community, health, or spirituality (or whatever your categories are)?

Doing the same old things year after year, decade after decade, isn’t going to create big change. So what's the event that's going to move you forward and get you closer to the vision you have of yourself?

Here’s an example of a Climactic Scene:

After the pandemic canceled my travel plans and I returned to Seattle, I found land to settle on and began to build a community there. I had to start a new career, so I took marketing coaching training and started to consult with other small companies for my livelihood. In the process of growing roots in this new community, I met someone with shared values in farming and social justice. We built our home together, grew the gardens, planted the orchards, and raised flocks and herds within a shared homestead.

Breaking It All Down

Now we're going to start making your 10-year goals more doable. Remember, your 10-year goals are not detailed enough to implement. They create the vision. Now we’re going to make them real.

Take a look at your goals for this decade and decide what you have to do to reach them.

For example, if you want to build a house, you have to save a certain amount of money for a down payment, decide where you want to live, decide what kind of home you want, find land, develop a budget, get a loan, hire an architect, and find a builder.

Each one of those goals is SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timebound.

But it’s impossible to do all of them today, and still fairly broad.

What you can do sooner and what will take a while? You could probably hire an architect today, but what's the point if you need to save $50,000 for a down payment and you currently have $500 in your savings account?

Start plotting out what has to happen first, which things are contingent on others, what will take the longest to do, etc.

Now you’re going to identify which of those things you have to, or can, start working on in the next 5 years. Make sure it’s realistic to accomplish those things in the next 5 years, and leave the rest for the following 5 years.

There! You’ve got your 5-year goals, which are simply smaller pieces of your 10-year goals.

Making Your Goals Actionable

But 5 years is still too broad to drive what you can do today. So you’re going to break it down even further. Using the same process as above to go from 10 to 5-year goals, go from your 5-year goals to a 1-year goal.

You are not listing out all the goals for all 5 years, just the year in front of you.

List what you can realistically accomplish this year that's going to get you closer to your 5-year goals. Make sure they are SMART goals.

Put your yearly goals into a spreadsheet, checklist, or something that you can track.

For each goal, create subgoals or milestones. Assign a due date to each one. But don’t have them all due on 12/31/24. Spread them throughout the year so you have subgoals due every month.

Then, transfer all the things due for each month onto monthly goal sheets. I don’t recommend creating them all at once, because during the year, goals will get moved around or delayed. Just do one month at a time before the month begins.

From your monthly goals, assign them to the weeks in that month, and then — I bet you can guess the next part — break the weekly goals down into daily tasks.

You should create daily task sheets that include the tasks you are doing each day to achieve your weekly and monthly goals. And don’t forget to include meetings, appointments, errands, activities, and personal/family/social time so you have a realistic and comprehensive view of what you can and will do each day.

The Clincher

Here’s the most important thing you should know:

Every successful business owner has goals that they check and monitor every day.

Any task from your daily goals that doesn’t get done gets reassigned somewhere else in the week. Anything from your weekly goals that doesn’t get accomplished gets moved to the following week. Months and years...same thing.

You do NOT have to be perfect. NO one is. You just have to constantly monitor, track, adjust, and revise your goals to keep you pointed toward your bigger vision.

And even that can change.

A goal-setting process is never about chaining you to a set of ideas. It’s about mapping out your path and keeping you on track.

When you can say, “This is what I’m working on today because it’s one step toward my vision for my lifetime,” you are on track!

This process will help you put the nitty gritty daily details of life into a larger context that brings meaning to your life.

When the context becomes meaningful --> the daily task becomes meaningful.

I think what most human beings want is meaningful lives, a meaningful existence. We want to know that the shit we’re doing on the daily matters for something. Because sometimes it's hard to remember that, isn't it?

I hope this process will help you move yourself, your family, and your community toward something bigger and grander and better. Something you will be proud of when you’re looking down at what your survivors are saying about you.

If you are interested in this process and would like to attend a FREE workshop to get started on your goal-setting process, click here. You’ll get all my templates, guidance on getting started, and more hints and tips.

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A Mission Statement That Actually Means Something

Carrie Kenner — Mon, 04 Mar 2024 08:58:13 +0000

Mission Done Right

If you've ever worked in a business, you've probably been involved in or heard about a mission statement. Often, mission statements are incredibly boring, confusing, and pretty much pointless.

If a mission statement doesn't instantly guide the actions of the people within the business, it's not done correctly.

I want to tell you about a mission statement that guided my business for over 10 years, and show you a framework for developing a mission statement that can work for you.

Not just for businesses

What's really cool about mission statements is they aren’t just for businesses. They could be created for your personal life, or for your family, too.

But first, let me start with my original business, Big Belly Services. I’ll share the vision statement for that business and then get into its mission statement.

A vision statement is a higher-level way to think about your work. If you could create a perfect world, your vision is what would happen because of the work you do. It's nice to have a vision statement because it gives you an overarching big, beautiful picture of what you’re working toward (but will likely never see).

The vision of Big Belly Services is to create a more peaceful world by promoting healthy births, honoring this sacred earth that we all inhabit, illuminating the intersections of health with racial and social justice, and modeling sustainable food production

Pretty big and lofty, huh? I hope I at least moved the needle a little bit toward that version of the world.

Now here’s the mission for Big Belly Services:

The mission of Big Belly Services is to change the culture of birth by serving birthing families and professionals with birth education and support that focuses on social and racial justice. We do this with services and curricula that are heart-centered, soulful, and abundance-focused.

Break It On Down

I loved my mission statement. I used it for over 10 years and it drove all of my actions during that time. Here's how it worked for me...

First, I'm going to dissect my mission statement to show you the three things that are important for a mission statement to be effective.

#1: It says what I want to accomplish: To change the culture of birth. Then it talks about how I do that:

#2: By serving birthing families and professionals with birth education and support.

And then this third piece is about my values:

#3: That focuses on social and racial justice. And We do it in a way that is heart-centered, soulful, and abundance-focused.

You Should Know What You'll Get

Now, I didn't just whip up that mission statement on the back of a napkin! I started by using a framework to come up with the three components and then put them together into a statement.

What makes this mission statement work is that, if someone considered working for Big Belly Services, or if someone thought about using Big Belly Services, they could read the mission statement and have a pretty good idea of what they'd be working for as an employee, and what values or characteristics would be a good fit or not.

If they were thinking of buying services from Big Belly Services, they'd know where their money was going, and they'd know what kind of services they were going to get and what that might feel like in the process.

That's what a good mission statement does.

So let's take a look at the framework to build one...

The Three Components of a Mission Statement That Works

There are three things that you want your mission statement to do.

The first one is to foreshadow the outcome. That's a fancy way of saying, What is it that you're working toward?

For Big Belly Services, it was changing the culture of birth.

That’s what was going to happen if Big Belly Services was successful in its mission.

The second component is the key characteristics of the business. That refers to the people or the way that the work is done.

For Big Belly Services, the key characteristics were a focus on racial and social justice. We were heart-centered, soulful, and abundance-focused. Those were the values and how things were done within the company.

You can use your key characteristics as a criteria check; if something you're thinking of doing, providing, or creating within your company doesn't support those key characteristics, you probably shouldn't do it.

Otherwise, you might be distracting your energy away from your core values. It might derail the work that your company is doing. Basically, it's just not in alignment.

You want to focus on aligning the key characteristics with both your services and your staff. If people feel like they don't fit in, they don’t belong, or they’re not sure if they're contributing, bring them back to the key characteristics. Those are things you can put into a job description to define how work is done within your company.

The third part of the three components is the critical actions.

The critical actions are the things that you do in your company. For Big Belly Services, our critical actions were to provide professionals and families with support and education around birth.

Your critical actions should describe what your business is doing on a daily basis. These are things you're doing that are repeatable. They give a sense of what the operations are like, what's happening, and what are the products and services that you provide.

And What It's Not...

To recap, the three critical components of your mission statement are:

Foreshadowing the outcome: What are you trying to create? Why are you doing this?

The key characteristics: How you do the work and what are the values reflected in your work?

The critical actions: The actual things that are done in the daily life of your business and that are repeatable actions.

So, that's what a good mission statement is.

What a mission statement isn't, is goals.

It's Not the Least Bit SMART

The elements of a mission statement are not measurable. They're not time bound. They could not drive my actual performance in a given period of time.

They're not SMART goals.

SMART is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timebound.

Now, I’d like to think my mission statement was achievable. And relevant.

But relevant in goals refers to supporting the mission statement.

What people often do is include things that are too specific in their mission statement. Then they get confusing, too long, and meaningless.

A mission statement should provide an overall view into the future that pertains to everyone on the team. If it starts to dictate what individuals do on a daily basis, it won't apply to all the people who work in your company.

How My Mission Statement Worked for Me

So let me tell you about how my mission statement worked for me and Big Belly Services.

My mission statement started out by saying I served professionals and families. I wasn't just working with childbearing families. I was also training doulas.

I wanted to create an army of doulas who were going to go out and serve birthing families in a way that was informed by racial and social justice.

So I built that into my curriculum. There wasn't a single course that I provided that didn't have racial and social justice in my mind when I was creating it, or in how the information was being shared with students. They were indoctrinated with that kind of information that informed how they would do their work in the world as well.

Remember, I was trying to create a new culture, a new way of doing birth!

And the values I held is that our work would be heart-centered. It would come from the heart and be mindful, considerate, thoughtful, and compassionate. And it would be soulful...it would have authenticity to it, something that resonated in our guts, in our bellies, something that felt like a personal mission or what we came to earth to do.

And finally, it was abundance-focused, not based on scarcity. There wasn't any competition. None of that, “I can't tell this doula that thing because she might get my clients.” I believe ‘The rising tide lifts all boats.’

We were there to help each other. We were there to build up as many people as possible. I still work toward creating as many doulas as possible to serve as many families as possible so that we can change — if not the entire culture of birth — at least the birth for each of those families so they have a better experience than they would have had without a doula.

My mission drove my curricula, how I showed up, why I opened a class in a mindful way that acknowledged the land we were on and the people that were sitting in circle with us.

The other factor is that my mission was part of a bigger vision for Big Belly Services which had to do with food sustainability and honoring the earth.

Beyond the Mission

My business wasn't just Big Belly Services. Or maybe I should say my life’s work wasn’t only birth.

I also created an urban farm, and built a greenhouse in my front yard. In that greenhouse, I started seeds saved from my garden in hundreds of little pots. I sold seedlings and gave them away.

I did free community education to anybody in my neighborhood, anyone that walked by and saw my greenhouse and wondered what all this amazing stuff was growing in my front yard. I had medicinal herbs and culinary herbs. All sorts of plants that attracted bees and pollinators. It was an incredible teaching opportunity.

And passersby didn't even know what was going on in the backyard! There, I had chickens and seven raised beds and was growing tons of vegetables and fruit trees.

I inspired people in my neighborhood who would come every spring and ask, What are you going to grow this year? What's that plant growing there? When are your seedlings going to be ready?

They would come back years later and tell me, ‘We're still harvesting kale from that little plant we got from you. The chicken that you gave us isn't laying eggs anymore, but she's still strutting around and getting all the insects in the garden.’

It was the most wonderful feeling knowing I made a difference in my little corner of the world. I was raising awareness about what people ate, what they could grow, how they could feed their own families and create the sustainability that is so important to me.

The motto for all of my work was: Growing families. Growing food. Growing futures.

I was growing families with my doula work, growing food with my urban farm, and growing futures with the people I trained to be birth professionals. I also grew futures through retreats that helped people get more connected to themselves, more connected to the land, more connected to the seasons, and more connected to each other.

It was a great experience to create a vision and mission statement that guided me into the future. It was my gauge for Should I do this thing or not? Does it fit or not?

Today...

Today, I run a marketing and copywriting company, Storyline Marketing.

The mission of Storyline Marketing is to bring life into companies that have historically struggled: heart-centered businesses. I do that by using my skills as a doula in the business realm. I show business owners how to talk about their work, help them clarify why they are in business, and provide coaching and online courses to create marketing strategies and materials that reflect their hearts. I do this in an authentic, soulful, and abundance-focused way that makes a positive impact.

Sound familiar?

It's a Living Thing

The beautiful thing is that a mission statement is alive. You can create it, revise it, throw the damn thing away, create a new one, and start again.

Just like you can reinvent yourself, you can reinvent your businesses.

So my invitation to you is: Play around with writing a mission statement.

Maybe you want to write one for your personal mission in life, or maybe just for the next 10 years.

Or maybe you want to write a mission statement for your family. What does your family want to do in your lives, in your neighborhoods? Do you want to change your generational legacy?

Or maybe you're starting a business or already in a business but it's not inspiring you. Revamp it and start again!

I invite you to use the mission statement framework and see what you come up with.

I would love to hear from you. How is your mission statement working for you?

Or do you have some different tips for mission statements? Let me know.

Thank you so much for thinking about how to make purpose and meaning in our lives. How we can set a compass point that moves us in that direction, that provides a guiding light to follow so we can make an impact in the world with our lives and our work that we are really proud of.

Best wishes to you and your work with a mission.

I’ll be leading folks in creating their mission statement this week on Tuesday, March 5, 2024, at 10am PST. If you are working on the Why of your business, join me or sign up to get the replay.

Pillar #1: ICAs (ideal client avatar), Niche, & Your Movement

March 5, 10am-1pm PDT

All the tricks for getting the “right” clients.

In this workshop, you’ll learn

Setting the foundation for your marketing message (do not start marketing without this!)
Your mission and movement
Identifying who you want to serve
Identifying your niche
Creating the right products and packages
Pricing for success

You’ll get live instruction, tools and templates, skills practice, and feedback.

Carrie Kenner: Doula Trainer. Writing Coach. Sacred Feminine Guide.

Teaching Hate is Child Abuse

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Teaching Hate: The Unseen Child Abuse

The Difference Between Broccoli and Spiders

The Difference Between Spiders and Mexico

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Why Even Teens Lack Discernment

Breaking the Cycle

Be Mindful of Your Words

The Importance of Teaching Truth

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Human and Business Systems: The Beauty and Brutality

But let’s back up to the beauty of human and business systems first...

You’re Already Loving Some Systems

Systems Are a Gift to Your Nervous System

Business Systems

Bigger Systems

The Center of a System

The Dark Side of Systems

How to Change a Business System from the Outside

Human Systems Don’t Change Themselves

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A No-Squirm Way to Meditate

My Butt Hurts!

My 3 Rules of Self-Care

New Ways to Meditate

Your Turn!

The Felt Sense of Doula Work

How I Learned About Felt Sense

What is Felt Sense?

How do doulas learn these skills without knowing what they’re doing?

Why Doulas Excel in Their Next Careers

What else do doulas know to do without knowing what they’re doing?

The Art of ‘Holding Space’

How do doulas get so good at this stuff?

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Anatomy of an Online Course Launch

It's Not Optional

The Anatomy of an Online Course Launch

An Idea Is Born

Create the Course

The Marketing Plan

Your People-Attracting Funnel

Wooing Your Audience

But Wait, There’s More

The Order of Things

On With the Show

Why on Earth Would Anyone Do This?

Be Choosy

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A Tribute to Penny Simkin

Here's Penny

Penny's Legacy

How Penny Furthered My Career

Penny's Most Profound Impact

Sharing A Loss

Penny At Her Best

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Anatomy of a Great Website: The Essential Components

Just How Many Websites Are There?

Kinda Like a Stalker...

Break It Down

The Biggest Mistake You’ll Probably Make (Unless You Read This Section)

What If You Don't

On To the Nitty Gritty

3 Easy Steps

Give Me Proof

The Second Date

The Power of Story

Button, Button, Who’s Got the Button

The Junk Drawer

What About YOU?

What You Have to Offer

E-I-E-I-S-E-O

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Growing A Business: My Journey into the Heart of Entrepreneurship

The Beginnings of Big Belly Services

The Unfolding